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The Good Reverend

1. ShilohSalvaged from archive28 Aug 2006, 18:52
   The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman. "Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly., "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?" "Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this bar." The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fuzz." The bartender nodded, "Well, heck, if you’re that far along you might as well finish the job."
2. Jack KlompusSalvaged from archive28 Aug 2006, 20:06
   Alright... Pastor John Fuzz there was talking to Mr. Fitzgerald, who also happened to be seen constantly wandering around drunk as fuck in public. So, this one day Mr. Fitzgerald promises Pastor Fuzz never to drink again. Ok, so weeks later Pastor Fuzz runs into Mr. Fitzgerald as he was carrying a fish rod and two bags on his shoulders. So Pastor Fuzz goes: "Howdy ho Mr. Fitzgerald! Where you heading?". Then Mr. Fitzgerald goes: "Morning Pastor. I´m going fishing." Then Pastor goes: "oh i see. Have you been drinking Mr. Fitzgerald?" Then Mr. Fitzdude goes: "No Pastor certanly not." Then Pastor guy gets a little suspicious and asks: "hey then what are you carrying in those bags. Its not booze now or is it?" Mr. Fitzgerald: "Well Pastor... matter of fact in this bag right here I carry a full bottle of vodka." Pastor: "What? Shame on you Mr. Fitzgerald! You promissed me under the eyes of the Lord you would quit drinking!" Mr. Fitzgerald: "oh no... you see pastor... this right here is just in case I got bit by a snake". Then Pastor Fuzz goes: "Ok ok then... And in this other bag what are you carrying in there?". Then Mr. Fitzgerald looks down in shame and goes: "That would be a snake pastor..."

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