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funny jokes

1. cymru am bythSalvaged from archive30 Aug 2006, 23:47
   A man walks into a bar with an emu and a cat. The barman notices that the man and the emu are each buying rounds of drinks but the cat refuses to buy a round. After a while he asks the man why he is accompanied by an emu and a stingy cat. The man replies, “I found a lamp the other day, rubbed it and a genie came out and offered me one wish”. “What did you wish for?” asks the barman. The man replies gloomily, “I asked him for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy”. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the manager of a local firm was startled when his secretary burst in to his office and attempted to file a complaint of sexual harassment against a man working in the same department. “what did he do?” asked the manager. “he said my hair smelt nice,” said the secretary. “whats wrong with that?” To which she replied, “hes a miget!!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2 women sat on a porch drinking wine and chatting about life in genral, when one of the womens husbands gets out of the car and walks up the path, the women says awwwww shit johns got a bunch of flowers in his hand that means i’ll be on my back with my legs open all weekend, the other women replies Why? have’nt you got a vase ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two dyslexics in a car. One said can you smell petrol. The other said dont be a cunt i cant even smell my name!!!…. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ theres a man on the beach with no arms and legs 3 ladies come up 2 him the 1st lady says have u ever been huged he said no so she gives him a hug the 2nd lady comes up 2 him and said have u ever been kissed he said no so she gives him a kiss the 3rd lady comes up 2 him and says have u ever been fucked he said no she says u r now because the tides comin in -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the Irish SAS ? - The parachuted into Dublin zoo, shot the gorillas and released the ostriches! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What’s the difference between normal sex (whatever that is) and anal sex? - Normal sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- which one is the odd one out a toaster washing machine fridge woman freezer answer a toaster.all the others leak when they’re fucked ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- one day there was three poofters they were standing at the funeral of there dead friend talking about what they should do with there mates ashes the first one said we should throw in the ocean because he loved his fishing the second one said nah lets throw him off the mountain because he loved the outdoors the last turned around and said nah you dont know what you on about we should make him into a curry the other two look at him and say a curry? yes says the first so we can feel him rip through our asses one more time ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. Commando80Salvaged from archive31 Aug 2006, 04:43
   That last one was just wrong lmao.. but great jokes!
3. cymru am bythSalvaged from archive9 Sept 2006, 00:04
   An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as their caddies. While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices." The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers." Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments." With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's three pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers." Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance. The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit."

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