| Author | Message |
|---|
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jun 2006, 10:03 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Personally I love them, some people get upset by them though. Anyone got any?
What's Red and runs back up women's legs?
Homesick Abortion. |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jun 2006, 15:39 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Personally I love them, some people get upset by them though. Anyone got any?
What's Red and runs back up women's legs?
Homesick Abortion.
HAR HAR HAR You friggin sicko
why don't you FART in Church?
.................'cause you have to sit in your own PEW!
yuk yuk yuk, that was poor, I'll get warmed up............
Is ANYTHING a SACRED COW?
I like All jokes, nothing held back! |
KitRae
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 14 Jun 2006, 17:42 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?
The problem goes away with the aid of a coathangar.
What's the difference between acne and a paedophile?
Acne doesn't come on your face until you're twelve. |
Jack Klompus
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Jul 2006, 21:30 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?
The problem goes away with the aid of a coathangar.
What's the difference between acne and a paedophile?
Acne doesn't come on your face until you're twelve.
alright alright lol!
i got one! i got one!
theres some pedophilia involved here too. so here we go:
Michael Jackson is on his private plane right... and he's in the back with a bunch of little boys. So all of a sudden the pilot runs back to where Michael is and he's like, "Hey MJ! There´s a problem with the pane! Come to the cockpit!"
So Michaels in the cockpit and the pilot tells him to get on a parachute because they're going to jump. And Michael Jackson says, "but what about the boys?!" and the pilot goes, "fuck the boys!" and michael goes...
"you think we have time??" |
Commando80
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 31 Jul 2006, 13:03 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?
The problem goes away with the aid of a coathangar.
What's the difference between acne and a paedophile?
Acne doesn't come on your face until you're twelve.
alright alright lol!
i got one! i got one!
theres some pedophilia involved here too. so here we go:
Michael Jackson is on his private plane right... and he's in the back with a bunch of little boys. So all of a sudden the pilot runs back to where Michael is and he's like, "Hey MJ! There´s a problem with the pane! Come to the cockpit!"
So Michaels in the cockpit and the pilot tells him to get on a parachute because they're going to jump. And Michael Jackson says, "but what about the boys?!" and the pilot goes, "fuck the boys!" and michael goes...
"you think we have time??"
ROFL |
Shiloh
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 31 Jul 2006, 18:35 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Two hookers were on a street corner.
They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, "Yep, its gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air".
The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped." |
PenetratinP
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Aug 2006, 04:17 · [Salvaged from Archive]
LOL...i've heard the acne and pedophile one before but with michael jackson as the pedo |
Commando80
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Aug 2006, 16:58 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure; she was shaking and foaming at the mouth.
Our uninformed male thought this was incredible - best sex he'd ever had. He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure.
He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room. A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think her orgasm's stuck!"
lmao :lol: |
Avaloner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 3 Aug 2006, 08:41 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Wtc Airlines, we fly you directly in your office |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 30 Aug 2006, 16:46 · [Salvaged from Archive]
whats micheal jacksons favorite song?
elton johns don't let your son go down on me
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
micheal jackson fell off a cruise ship and someone shouted " quick throw him a bouy"
micheal said " no i'm in enough shit as it is!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what do you call a whore with a runny nose?
full
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
whats the definition of pain?
a peeled baby in a bag of salt |
KitRae
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 30 Aug 2006, 18:00 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Ooh ooh got a pretty sick one I think :D
What is the difference between a luxurious, fur rug and a pile of dead babies?
I don't lay down on a luxurious, fur rug when I'm masturbating. |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 25 Sept 2006, 20:21 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: whats black and blue and afraid of sex?
A: a rape victim |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 25 Sept 2006, 20:29 · [Salvaged from Archive]
You call that tasteless? Pfft... This is tasteless
Q: whats black and blue and afraid of sex?
A: The four year old in the boot of my car.... |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 25 Sept 2006, 20:46 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: What's blue and wiggles?
A: A baby in a plastic bag.
Q: What's green and doesn't?
A: Same baby three weeks later.
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Add root beer and two scoops of ice cream.
Q: What's blue, purple, pink, and sits in the corner?
A: A baby with a rubber band around it's neck.
Q: What's blonde, had six legs and runs through Michael Jacksons dreams?
A: Hanson.
Q: What's small brown and warm and found in the back of little boys underwear?
A: Michael Jackson's Hand!
Q: What's pink, stiff and hard and sends women wild?
A: Crib Death.
Q: What do you do after you've finished fucking a 5 year old girl?
A: Turn her over and pretend it's a boy!
Q: What's the worst thing about being a paedophile?
A: Having to go to bed at seven o'clock.
: What's the difference between a microwave and a queer?
A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat!
Q: What goes "click click click, is that it?, click click click, is that it?..........."
A: A blind man with a Rubiks cube.
Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
A: Nail it's other hand to the floor.
Q: Why did Princess Di cross the road?
A: She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Q: Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
A: Because Ken comes in a different box
Q: What's dangerous and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis
Q: How many faggots does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Only one...but it takes an entire Emergency Room to get it out.
Q: What are the three reasons why anal sex is better then vaginal sex?
A: It's warmer, it's tighter, and it's more degrading to women.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.
Q: What's ugly and sleeps alone ?
A: Yoko Ono.
Q: What's 60 feet long and stinks of piss?
A: A conga in an old peoples home
Q: Did you hear about the blind skunk?
A: It fucked a piece of shit.
Q: Why don't roosters have hands?
A: Chickens don't have tits.
Q: What do you give a faggot with AIDS for Christmas?
A: Cancer!
Q. What do you do when the dishwasher quits working?
A. Smack her across the face. |
shawmutt
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 25 Sept 2006, 20:56 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: What do Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney have in common?
A: They both shot someone in the face!
Q: What's red and bubbly and scratches on glass?
A: A baby in a microwave! |
snufftelect
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Sept 2006, 07:18 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: What's the difference between a baby and a fat, greasy kebab-turd?
A: I don't come on my turds before eating them. |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Sept 2006, 16:20 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q. What is better than winning a medal at the Paraplegic-olympics?
A. Having two legs.
Q. How do you give a woman an orgasm ?
A. Who cares !
Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A. He didn't have any arms.
Q. What's the worst thing about eating bald pussy?
A. The diaper.
Q: What's black and blue and smokes in the corner?
A: A baby chewing on an extension cord
Q: What do you call an Amish farmer with his arm halfway up his horses ass?
A: A mechanic
Q: What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
A: Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone
Q: What do you get if you cross a nun with a computer?
A: A system that won't go down.
Q: Did you here about the dyslexic Satanist......
A: He sold his soul to Santa
Q: Why isn't George Michael allowed to vote?
A: He can't go into a cubicle alone.
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A bitch who won't do what she's told.
Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage.
Q: Why do men have dicks?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut women up.
Q: Why don't women like to fish?
A: You have to shut the fuck up!
Q: What's the difference between an abortion and sand?
A: You can't eat sand.
Q: What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A: A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Q: How do you make your wife scream after sex for an hour?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q: How do you make your wife scream louder?
A: Fuck her in the ass and THEN wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A: You come in one and go in the other.
Q: Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you can't help but wonder who was there before you.
Q: What did you do wrong if your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to bitch at you?
A: Made her chain too long |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Sept 2006, 14:44 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: Why do woman have small feet?
A: So, they can stay closer to the sink.
Q: It sits in the corner and becomes smaller an red.
A: A kid with a knive, ADHD and Parkinson
Q:it stand up and becomes whiter
A: His mom |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 29 Sept 2006, 23:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
whats a babiee in microciave lookm like???/
DONT ASK ME! TOOO BUZUBG WANKING!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahaha
jaha |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Oct 2006, 16:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What do Gareth Gates and Harold Shipman have in common?
Neither can finnish a sentence!
Whats Metal and full of holes?
Dimebag Darrel! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Oct 2006, 23:31 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q:What don't you ask a woman drinking coffee at a mastectomy clinic?
A:"One lump or two?"
Q:What's the definition of a sensitive man?
A:A guy who doesn't make his girlfriend blow him after he butt-fucks her
Q:What do you call a religious woman in a garbage bag?
A:Blue Nun.
Q:How do you know your girlfriend is really hot?
A:When you put your hand in her panties and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Q:What do you call the sweat on your body after you've screwed your own sister?
A:Relative humidity. |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Oct 2006, 23:47 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The McCartney kids are at the family home anxiously awaiting news of their mother.
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. "Kid's......there's good news and bad news."
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!" |
Colzi
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 5 Oct 2006, 00:25 · [Salvaged from Archive]
heh heh heh |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Oct 2006, 11:35 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Whats better than cumming in a babies mouth?
Watching it choke on it! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 10:26 · [Salvaged from Archive]
When Mr. O'Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O'Leary called the undertaker aside for a private little talk.
"Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald," she confided, "and he'd never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. Our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they're through paying their last respects."
"Rest assured, Mrs. O'Leary," comforted the under- taker. "I'll fix it so that toupee will never come off."
Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O'Leary's ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O'Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
"Oh, I couldn't possibly accept your money," protested the undertaker. "What's a few nails?" |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 10:39 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Late one evening, the day after he had lost his wife scuba diving, two grim-faced policemen paid Mr. Rhodes a visit. "We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr Rhodes, but we have some information concerning your wife. Actually, we have some bad news, some pretty good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Obviously fearing the worst, Mr Rhodes asked for the bad news first.
"We're sorry to inform you, sir," the policeman said, "we found your wife's body in the San Francisco Bay this morning."
Oh, my God!" said a distraught Mr. Rhodes. Remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"
"When we pulled her up," said the policeman, "she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen crabs on her."
"What?" a confused Mr Rhodes exclaimed. "So, what's the great news?"
As he smiled and smacked his lips, the officer replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow." |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Oct 2006, 22:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q:What's worse than Jacko tucking your kids in?
A: Ian Huntley giving them a bath!
What is the difference between a crying bound and gagged 12 year old girl and a ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's funnier than a baby trying to get into an elevator?
A baby trying to get into an elevator with a javelin through its head
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them
How do you fit 600 dead babies into a trunk?
A blender.
How do you get 600 dead babies out of the trunk?
Doritos.
A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm screwing her."
The boss says, "You screw your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
Whats the definition of a lesbian?
Just another woman trying to do a man's job. |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Oct 2006, 23:18 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q:What's worse than Jacko tucking your kids in?
A: Ian Huntley giving them a bath!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My sense of humour all over! |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Oct 2006, 18:50 · [Salvaged from Archive]
geting nasty now, be adviced :) :)
---
Q:Why was Geroge michael removed from court?
A: He was masturbating
---
How do you fit 4 gay's on a crutch
Turn it upside-down
---
Steve Irwin in a interview last month was asked wot was
his favourite TV program in his youth.
He replied,
Thundrebirds were great but I had a special place in my heart
for stingray
---
Steve Irwin has been killed by a stringray.
Australian police have arrested Troy Tempest
for questioning.
---
What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?
Kids will eat snot.
---
What are the two biggest lies in Poland?
"The check is in your mouth" and "I won't come in the mail."
---
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle?
A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.
---
What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?
You know she'll swallow!
---
What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?
Cancer.
---
Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?
Free ham.
---
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You fuck her.
---
What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis?
You don't have to beg your girlfriend to blow your paycheck.
---
How do you blind a Chinese person?
Put a windshield in front of him.
---
What's the definition of Trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob
---
What did Jeffry Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?
Are you going to eat that?
--- |
Rhomphaia
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 22 Dec 2006, 22:34 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Okay, I am about to do something I don't normally do...unlock my horid collection. Just let me fine the keys...here we go.
Ah, first entry is one a friend of my dad's thought up.
How do you eat out a woman while driving a car?
You stick your hand between her legs, make her cum, then stick your hand out the window to dry. After that, eat what's left like a potato chip.
Ooh, here is probably the worst pedophilia joke I have ever heard.
.....
Ah, what's this...oh yes, I remember this one. Hang on because it is kind of big...
In the South Pacific, a ship wrecks off the coast of a small island. Only four people (three men and one woman) make it to shore. Between resources on the island and washed-up salvage they collected, they had everything they needed to survive.
However, over the course of a month or so, everyone started getting rather horny. With all of them being heterosexual, this was something of a problem, so they got together to discuss it. Their solution was this; the woman would spend a week with each man then have a week off to recover and the cycle would continue.
Things rolled along just fine until one day, a few months later, the woman died. After that, the men began to have problems. However, the first week after her death was fine, but the second week things got a little bad. Things got worse on the third week and on the fourth week the situation was nearly unbearable.
By the time the fifth week came around, they finally had to bury the woman. |
steppman2
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 22 Dec 2006, 23:56 · [Salvaged from Archive]
:shock: |
madis
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 5 Jan 2007, 12:43 · [Salvaged from Archive]
christmas joke
]there was this guy who had a parrot and he claimed that when you put a cigarett lighter under its feet he would sing christmas songs. So a friend of the guy couldn't believe it until he tried it himself.
He put the lighter under the parrot's right foot >> it sang "jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way"
He put it under te parrot's left foot>> it sang "joy to the world the lord has come".
The guy was really amused at this so he asked the owner 'how about if we put the lighter under the parrot's testicles' the owner said 'lets try' so did they!!!
They put the lighter under the poor parrot's testes >> and it sa[/color]ng "Chest nuts roasting on an open fire" |
jgunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Jan 2007, 17:28 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What is the Worst thing about a bald vagina?
putting the nappy back on
lol |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Mar 2007, 23:15 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: What's better than winning the para-olympics? A: Being able to walk.
---
Q: What's 18 inches and scares women? A: Crib death
---
Q: What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? A: Bingo
---
Q: What's cold, blue, and sits in the corner? A: A dead baby in a walmart bag.
---
Q: What's easier to unload, a truck full of bowling balls or dead babys? A: Babys, because you can use a pitchfork.
---
Q: What's worse than swinging a dead baby from a clothesline? A: Stopping it with a shovel.
---
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock? A: You can't fuck a rock. |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Mar 2007, 06:30 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q - How do you stop your next door neighbors children from jumping your fence?
A - Molest them.
Q - How do you make a poofter fuck a woman?
A - Stuff her cunt full of shit.
Q- What has four legs and an arm?
A- A happy Pit Bull
Does a dyslexic agnostic believe in Dog?
Q - Why do they call it a Pap Smear?
A - Coz no one would have one if they called it a cunt scrape. . .
Little Janey was in the shower with her father.
Janey says "What's that Daddy?"
Daddy says "That's a penis."
"When am I gonna get one of those" Janey asks..
"Oh in about 5 minutes when your mother goes to work...." |
