| Author | Message |
|---|
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Sept 2006, 19:36 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Should "Ethnic" Jokes that poke fun at Race, Religion, Creed, Color or Sexual Persuasion be allowed in the "JOKE ROOM" as long as they remain in a thread of their own?
This would mean NO FLAMING or FIGHTING because you thought a joke was in Poor Taste!
It would also mean that there would be NO INTERFERANCE or EDITING by the Mods. |
Commando80
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Sept 2006, 20:15 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Yes, that would be great. snuffy can keep out of them finally ^^ |
Rocker Kid
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Sept 2006, 22:14 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Kinda hard to say... it's all in good humor so yeah allow it. |
tgd_02
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Sept 2006, 23:00 · [Salvaged from Archive]
DOOOOO IT |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Sept 2006, 23:03 · [Salvaged from Archive]
hmmmmmmmmmmmm thats a difficult one :wink:. YES it's all just a laugh i even posted jokes about my own nationality, if you took away jokes about race, gender, sexual persuasion, religion etc what else would there be?
i'm a slightly over weight, straight,married, white, welsh, athiest who has never been near the back end of a sheep but if it makes you laugh to call me a sheep shagger then go ahead, theres too much other shit to worry about in the world than worry about a few jokes on an internet forum |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Sept 2006, 23:28 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Yes, definetly.
Fucking wogs need to learn that its all in good humor. |
Jack Klompus
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 01:44 · [Salvaged from Archive]
yes, definetly yes! |
Draz
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 04:38 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!
What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.
What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.
What did they white guy do before his blood test?
He studied.
How long does it take for a white women to take a crap???
9 months
What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them
What did they white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order
What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line! |
Draz
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 04:40 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Did you hear about the white guy that walked into a bar?
He had a couple beers, paid the tab, and went home.
What do you call four white guys in a band?
A quartet. |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 14:10 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Isnt it ironic that botht the girls in your sig are white... |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 16:33 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Isnt it ironic that botht the girls in your sig are white...
.......I doubt it! Looks like some Hispanic ass 2 me! |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 16:37 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Draz.....
That chit was funny, LOL i'm telling ya, never thought about white humor....being a CRACKER and all that! Just goes to show you, all groups poke some fun at other groups, gotta understand though, it is all in fun.
We all have to be willing to laugh at ourselves before we laugh at each other!
yo.....Did you hear about the little 4 year old Black Kid that had Diarrhea?
LOL.....He thought he was MELTING!!! |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 17:02 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Isnt it ironic that botht the girls in your sig are white...
.......I doubt it! Looks like some Hispanic ass 2 me!
Hispanics are whiteish... |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 17:11 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Isnt it ironic that botht the girls in your sig are white...
.......I doubt it! Looks like some Hispanic ass 2 me!
Hispanics are whiteish...
Naaaahh! My second wife was half Latino (Puerto Rican) and half white.
OH MY GOD! One cheek was FLAT and the other was ROUND! :shock: :shock: |
tgd_02
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 19:35 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Isnt it ironic that botht the girls in your sig are white...
.......I doubt it! Looks like some Hispanic ass 2 me!
Hispanics are whiteish...
yea wish i was fucking darker
fucking mother fuckers
o well white mofos still calling me mexican
rather that than, yo white boy! |
crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Sept 2006, 22:39 · [Salvaged from Archive]
YES! |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 14 Sept 2006, 05:23 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Isnt it ironic that botht the girls in your sig are white...
.......I doubt it! Looks like some Hispanic ass 2 me!
Hispanics are whiteish...
yea wish i was fucking darker
fucking mother fuckers
o well white mofos still calling me mexican
rather that than, yo white boy!
YO!..........You Called? |
Draz
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 14 Sept 2006, 23:40 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Draz.....
That chit was funny, LOL i'm telling ya, never thought about white humor....being a CRACKER and all that! Just goes to show you, all groups poke some fun at other groups, gotta understand though, it is all in fun.
We all have to be willing to laugh at ourselves before we laugh at each other!
yo.....Did you hear about the little 4 year old Black Kid that had Diarrhea?
LOL.....He thought he was MELTING!!!
:lol: |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Sept 2006, 10:20 · [Salvaged from Archive]
News reported today that the Taliban are using sheep to detect mines. They send them into a field and if they're blown up, they have dinner.
If they make it through alive, they have a date
Q; What do you call a Paki stuck in cement?
A; Mandeep-inderwal
whats the difference between black people and snow tires. snow tires dont sing when you put chains on them
someone told the whitegirl to take a bath and milk for soft skin so she called the grocries store to order some milk. When the milk man asked her "will that be pasterized?" she said, "hmmmmmm... no just up to my tits."
Q:What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
A:Batman can go into a store without robin
Q:How do you know when a pakistan boy becomes a man...
A:They take the diaper off his ass and put it on his head.
Q:What do you call 2 mexicans on the back of a fire truck?
A:Hose A and Hose B
Q:Why do drug companies put cotton on top of their products?
A:To remind black people know they picked cotton before they sold drugs
Q:why do jews have big noses?
A:because the air is free!
Q: why dont mexicans have olympic teams?
A:because the ones who can run, jump, or swim are already in america |
longbob
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Sept 2006, 10:46 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Maybe Site Admin can set up a sub-forum for racial/sick/vulgar/way-out nasty shit that has a WARNING! OFFENSIVE MATERIAL 18+ waiver on it?
Longbob. |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Sept 2006, 16:09 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Maybe Site Admin can set up a sub-forum for racial/sick/vulgar/way-out nasty shit that has a WARNING! OFFENSIVE MATERIAL 18+ waiver on it?
Longbob.
That was the point of the poll that I started......perhaps the old "Pirate Forum" can be used as another non-moderated site for "Anything goes ethnic or dirty jokes!"
Seeing as not many people come to the Joke Forum, should we move the Poll into the General Topic Forum to generate more votes? |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Sept 2006, 16:11 · [Salvaged from Archive]
(Q)...Why do Mexicans have BIG NOSES?
(A)...LOL, SO they have something to pick in the OFF SEASON!!!!!!! :lol: :lol:
(Q)...What are the FOUR most dangerous men in the WORLD? :shock:
(A)...A Black with a GUN.......a Puerto Rican with a SWITCHBLADE......a Jew with his LAWYER.......
and a FAG with a CHIPPED TOOTH! |
crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Sept 2006, 23:54 · [Salvaged from Archive]
"Q:How do you know when a pakistan boy becomes a man...
A:They take the diaper off his ass and put it on his head. "
LMAO! |
TheCanadian
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 04:32 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why do hispanics always drive low riders? so they can pic the strawberrys easier.
why do the blacks have white hands and feet? because God was spray painting them while they had there hands on the wall.
What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac!
I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
Why do blacks put their garbage in clear bags?
So puerto ricans can window shop! |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 05:54 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Canadian's sig:
Break Dancer for life
(Q)...Do you even know how Break Dancing started?
(A)...Ghetto Kids trying to steal hubcaps off MOVING CARS! :lol: :lol: :lol: |
TheCanadian
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 06:18 · [Salvaged from Archive]
rofl... Yes... i do know how it started...
are you just mad because your fat ass cant even get up off the seat?
Why the fuck are you talking about my sig? what does that have to do with anything? Don't fuckin' insult what I do... |
Ace1875
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 06:23 · [Salvaged from Archive]
ROFL... Yes... i do know how it started...
are you just mad because your fat ass cant even get up off the seat?
Why the fuck are you talking about my Sig? what does that have to do with anything? Don't fuckin' insult what I do...
In which part of the post did he address you? He made a joke over break dancing.... not in anyway your ability to break dance.... we don't give a rats ass how you dance...it's completely up to you.... he made an ethnic joke about BREAK DANCING!!! Lighten the hell up kid.
Canadian's Sig:
Break Dancer for life
(Q)...Do you even know how Break Dancing started?
(A)...Ghetto Kids trying to steal hubcaps off MOVING CARS! :lol: :lol: :lol: |
Avaloner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 08:38 · [Salvaged from Archive]
I assumed breackfantastigizem= canadian? :P |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 08:44 · [Salvaged from Archive]
rofl... Yes... i do know how it started...
are you just mad because your fat ass cant even get up off the seat?
Why the fuck are you talking about my sig? what does that have to do with anything? Don't fuckin' insult what I do...
HaHahahahaha......oh Lordy, giv me strength! ROFL! If I can stop CRYING from laughing so hard I would be able to post a reply faster.
This is exactly what I had talked about in previous threads. If we were going to have a forum like this, everyone would have to grow THICKER skins!
BTW....Thank-you ACE for coming to my defense and attempting to explain my post to the Canadian.....to no avail I'm afraid. The kid is seeing RED right now and is probably to pissed to understand.
Canadian....my post WAS directed at the topic of your signature! Not YOU! Grow up and stop taking things so personal!
This is the draw back of having a forum like the one we are talking about. It is not the case that the Jokes are IMMATURE or CHILDISH, it is the problem that some of the JOKERS are immature and childish! I am afraid that we may run in to a few that can dish it out, but can not take it! They will take a joke that was impersonal, spin it around and make it personal!
OH, and CANADIAN....FYI and anyone else who cares! No I do NOT Break Dance! BUT I do enjoy the shit out of watching peeps do it! This topic came up before in another thread and I commented there as well!
AND AS FAR AS your comment about my FAT ASS not being able to get up off the SEAT? Until I am Permanently in my wheelchair.....I will still get up and walk the best I can. I am NOT that overweight that I can not move, it is Arthritis in my knees and now my hips that has restricted my dancing pleasures, not Obesity! |
snufftelect
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 09:39 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Yes, that would be great. snuffy can keep out of them finally ^^
Commando, every time you raise a problem with how I moderate these forums from here on in I'm bringing the following quote back up:
Im a 15 year old kid. My testosterone is not fully kicked in yet. Besides. Why do you judge men? Are YOU gay or something? Gay men Judge men. Stop judging me to save yourself.
:lol: |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 11:48 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An exquisite painting entitled Home for Lunch was on display in a Cardiff art gallery. It depicted three very naked, very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
Two women were staring at the painting, trying to figure it out. The artist noticed their confusion.
The artist asked, "Can I help you with this painting?"
One woman replied, "We were curious about the painting of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"
"I'm afraid you've misinterpreted the painting," the artist explained. "The three men are not African. They are Welsh coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went Home for Lunch." |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 12:02 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A Chinese guy, a Hindu, and a British guy were all taken for a ride up in a hot air balloon. Each were told to bring something they had too much of in their country. When they were 1500 feet up, they were told to throw over what they brought.
The Chinese guy threw over a bag of drugs and said, "We have too much of these in our country."
The Hindu threw over a flat of beer and said, "We have too much of this in our country."
Then the British guy grabed the Hindu and the Chinaman and threw them over the side. He says, "We have too much of them in our country". |
tgd_02
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 19:27 · [Salvaged from Archive]
rofl... Yes... i do know how it started...
are you just mad because your fat ass cant even get up off the seat?
Why the fuck are you talking about my sig? what does that have to do with anything? Don't fuckin' insult what I do...
fuck breakdancers |
Commando80
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 23:03 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Yes, that would be great. snuffy can keep out of them finally ^^
Commando, every time you raise a problem with how I moderate these forums from here on in I'm bringing the following quote back up:
Im a 15 year old kid. My testosterone is not fully kicked in yet. Besides. Why do you judge men? Are YOU gay or something? Gay men Judge men. Stop judging me to save yourself.
:lol:
Har har. Well I was thinking of editing it, but that wouldnt work. Besides, Im allowed to have my opinions. And you have yours. *quoted from big ozzie*: GROW THICKER SKINS! |
Commando80
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 23:05 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An exquisite painting entitled Home for Lunch was on display in a Cardiff art gallery. It depicted three very naked, very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
Two women were staring at the painting, trying to figure it out. The artist noticed their confusion.
The artist asked, "Can I help you with this painting?"
One woman replied, "We were curious about the painting of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"
"I'm afraid you've misinterpreted the painting," the artist explained. "The three men are not African. They are Welsh coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went Home for Lunch."
Haha....eh... i dont really get it. :( |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 23:18 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Lunch = Lamb = Sheep
And welshman can often be seen buggering sheep. This would remove the soot from his cock?
I think thats it. |
Thanatos
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 23:33 · [Salvaged from Archive]
no, just means he went home to his wife for lunch, and had a quickie at the same time ;) |
AllisterFiend
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 23:42 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why would they be coal mining naked? lol |
Thanatos
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 23:50 · [Salvaged from Archive]
hey its dark, whos to know ;) |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 23:56 · [Salvaged from Archive]
,,,,so their CLOTHES don't get dirty? |
AllisterFiend
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2006, 23:59 · [Salvaged from Archive]
...and sitting on a park bench naked together?? |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 17 Sept 2006, 00:04 · [Salvaged from Archive]
....if the one hadn't gone home for lunch, no one would have noticed! |
Thanatos
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 17 Sept 2006, 23:42 · [Salvaged from Archive]
lmao oz wud blatantly try it...
if only bears would go underground... |
tim2x
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Sept 2006, 16:28 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Two french seperatists from Quebec, and an englishman from Ontario were walking on a beach, and found a lamp.
After rubbing it, a genie came out.
He said that normally he would give three wishes, but since there were 3 of them, they each got one.
The first Separatist said- I wish to protect Quebec from the world, and non French. Build a massive wall around the belle provance, so no one can come and harm us.
The genie grants the wish.
The second Separatist said- That's fine for land and sea, but doesn't protect us from the air, planes can still get in. Build a roof over belle provance, on the wall, to completely protect us from the world!
The genie grants the wish.
The guy from Ontario says- you know that thing you built the Frenchies? Fill it with water. |
Shiloh
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Sept 2006, 17:56 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S. |
crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Sept 2006, 22:29 · [Salvaged from Archive]
I don't think a new board should be started. Ethnic jokes should be allowed so long as racial slurs(ni**er, sp*c, cra*ker, etc) are not a part of the joke. |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Sept 2006, 14:46 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why did hitler shoot himself?
He saw the gas bill.
How many jews can you get in a car?
2 in the front, 3 in the back and 40 in the ashtray
There was a blackout in town last night...
Dont worry they shot the bastard.
What's long, scouse, and goes around corners?
The Dole queue. |
Thanatos
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Sept 2006, 18:21 · [Salvaged from Archive]
lmfao - love the hilter one ;) |
crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Sept 2006, 22:36 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the difference between a jew and a pie
A pie doesn't scream in the oven
lol I always feel a lil bit bad after saying that one but meh :) |
TheCanadian
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Sept 2006, 23:44 · [Salvaged from Archive]
what do you call a chinese black with AIDS?-
Coon die soon
why don't sharks eat black people? they think its whale shit!
what happend to the black person who had an abortion?
the crime stoppers sent her a check for $500!
Why are blacks getting stronger? because TVs are getting heavier!
how do you know if your at a gay picnic? the hotdogs will taste like shit!
whats the object to jewish football?
get the quarter back |
Shiloh
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Sept 2006, 05:19 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What do you call two blacks sleeping together in a sleeping bag?
"Twix"
What's the difference between American pilots and Iraqi pilots?
American pilots break ground and fly into the wind.
What do you call two Chinese lesbians?
"Two Can Chew"
What do you call ten Italian women together in a steam bath?
"Gorillas in the mist" |
KitRae
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Sept 2006, 19:04 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you call a guy with leprosy when he's in the pool?
A bath fizzer.
What's brown and hides in the attick?
The diarrhoea Of Anne Franks.
(I hope I spelled that right :oops: ) |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Sept 2006, 11:34 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you call a black man in a police car?
-busted |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Sept 2006, 12:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
what do you call a black man in a suit?
the defendant |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Sept 2006, 12:11 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Where does a black man earns his money with oil?
deep-frying at McDonalds |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Sept 2006, 12:45 · [Salvaged from Archive]
whats 25 feet long and wrapped around a c u n t?
a turban |
shawmutt
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Sept 2006, 14:48 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why don't blacks drive in NASCAR?
None of them have a low enough I.Q. |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Sept 2006, 15:33 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why don't blacks drive in NASCAR?
None of them have a low enough I.Q.
:D :D :D |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Sept 2006, 23:21 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: whats the fastest thing on 2 legs?
A: a chicken running through an ethiopian refugee camp
You know you're trailer trash when...
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"
Your Junior/Senior prom had a daycare.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
Ya' can't git married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a dang law against it.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it
Two Leprechauns
Two Leprechauns have a bet. To settle their bet, they take it to a convent. Mother Superior answers the door, and says "Oh my goodness! Its a Leprechaun!"
The first Leprechaun replies, "Take it easy sister, I only wanna ask you a qustion. Are there any nuns in your convent that are my size?"
"No, little man, there is no nuns in my convent that are your size."
"Alright then. Are there any nuns in all of Ireland, that are my size?"
"No, little man, there are no nuns in all of Ireland that are your size."
"Alright then. One more question: Are there any nuns in all of the world, that are my size?"
"No, little man, I am quite sure there are no nuns in all of the word that are your size!"
"Okay then." The second Leprechaun starts laughing his ass off. But through the laughter, he manages to say "You see, i told you, you fucked a penguin!" |
Ace1875
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Sept 2006, 23:26 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The Leprechaun one is hilarious |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Sept 2006, 00:00 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman ans says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."
paddy and murphy were walking in the woods when they came across a sign saying, "Tree Fellers wanted". One of them said, "Ye know, it's a shame mick isn't here. We could have gotten the job". |
That Dude
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Sept 2006, 03:07 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman ans says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."
This fuckin' wins. |
Ace1875
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Sept 2006, 03:27 · [Salvaged from Archive]
^^^LMAO I agree |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Sept 2006, 10:55 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman ans says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."
OMG :shock: ROFL!!!!!! :lol: :lol: This was the best one YET, cymru!!! |
laharl
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Sept 2006, 16:07 · [Salvaged from Archive]
ROFLOL XD
Nice, man. That's pretty good. I'm in stitches! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Sept 2006, 16:59 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The Irish Prostitute
An Irish girl went to London to work as a secretary and began sending home money and gifts to her parents.
After a few years they asked her to come home for a visit, as her father was getting frail and elderly. She pulled up to the family home in a Rolls Royce and stepped out wearing furs and diamonds.
As she walked into the house her father said "Hmmm, they seem to be paying secretaries awfully well in London."
The girl took his hands and said, "Dad, I've been meaning to tell you something for years but I didn't want to put it in a letter. I can't hide it from you any longer. I've become a prostitute."
Her father gasped, put his hand on his heart and keeled over. The doctor was called but the old man had clearly lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called.
As the priest began to administer Extreme Unction, with the mother and daughter weeping and wailing, the old man muttered weakly, "I'm a goner, killed by me own daughter! Killed by the shame of what you've become!"
"Please forgive me," his daughter sobbed, "I only wanted to have nice things! I wanted to be able to send you money and the only way I could do it was by becoming a prostitute."
Brushing the priest aside, the old man bolted upright in bed, smiling.
"Did ye say prostitute? I thought ye said PROTESTANT!!"
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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender." Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Connor," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over."So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile."Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no toilet paper on this side either"....
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Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 25 Sept 2006, 14:41 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What does a Nigger get for christmas?
Your bike! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Sept 2006, 23:00 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: Why do lions in Africa go around licking each others arseholes?
A: To get the taste of niggers out of their mouths. |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 29 Sept 2006, 18:15 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q...."What was the first Black Test Tube Baby called?"
A...."Janitor in a Drum!" |
Hypothetical
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Oct 2006, 09:20 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Hey, there is already an unmoderated Fight forum, why not an unmoderated Jokes forum? That way, the people who might get offended know to stay out, and those of us who like religious, blonde, or nasty jokes, get to have a few laughs. |
Hypothetical
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Oct 2006, 09:46 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Well, since the jokes have obviously already started...
A Protestant man dies, and goes to heavan. He is met at the gates by St. Peter.
"Well young man" says St. Peter, " Come along then. I've got another arrival in five five minutes, and I have to show you to your room."
St. Peter leads the man through the Gates,and down a long hallway. Along the Hallway are many many doors. From the doors, the man can here chanting.
At the end of the Hall, the man asks " St. Peter, who is in this Hall?"
"Why young man, this is the Buddist Wing." St. Peter replies.
Heading throught the next door, St. Peter leads the man down yet another hall, with many doors. GOing down the hall, the man hears much singing and clapping.
At the end of The Hall, the man asks " St. Peter, who was in that Hall?"
"Why young man, that was the Baptist Annex." St. Peter reples. " Now, before we enter this next Hallway, I have to ask you to remove your shoes. We need to tip toe down this hall, and we can't make a sound."
Baffled, the man does as instructed, and removes his shoes. GOing through the doors, St. Peter leads the man down the Hall, again, many doors are obvious in the walls, but there is absolute silence.
Going through the door at the other end, the man puts his shoes back on. Curious he asks " St. Peter, why did we have to be so quiet going down that particular Hall?"
"Oh," Says St. Peter, " That's the Catholics, bastards think they're the only ones up here." |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Oct 2006, 14:43 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Hey, there is already an unmoderated Fight forum, why not an unmoderated Jokes forum? That way, the people who might get offended know to stay out, and those of us who like religious, blonde, or nasty jokes, get to have a few laughs.
DID YOU SEE THE POLL AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS THREAD?
http://filecabi.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=11406 |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Oct 2006, 23:14 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q:How do you know Davy Crockett was a racist?
A:He wore coon-skin caps.
Q:How do you play poker in Howard Beach?
A:Two clubs beats three spades.
Q:How does the Ku Klux Klan go surfing with Negroes?
A:They hang ten.
Q:What did the police artist sketch when a woman described the man who raped her as being blond-haired, blue-eyed, and well-dressed?
A:A nigger.
Q:What do you call a black girl's vaginal crust?
A:Velveeta's cheese.
Q:What do you call an Ethiopian woman with a vaginal infection?
A:A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Q:What do you call blacks who read Lord of the Rings?
A:Tolkien Negroes.
Q:Why did the white man bring blacks to America?
A:Because the Indians weren't good joke material
Q:Did you hear about the new Japanese Jewish restaurant?
A:So sue me.
Q:What do you call a group of racist Jews who toast bagels on people's front lawns?
A:The Klu Klux Kleins.
Q:What's the difference between Iran and an armpit?
A:One can of deodorant will take care of the armpit.
Did you hear Vaseline is coming out with new labels for its petroleum jelly?
They're going to have a picture of missing gerbils on it.
Q:Why was the gay embarrassed when he was caught blowing the well-hung black delivery boy?
A:Because he was caught with a foot in his mouth.
Q:When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard?
A:When he marries your daughter. |
Brixton
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Oct 2006, 01:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic?
Its got a twelve month waitng list. |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 09:21 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A Scotsman went on a week's holiday to England. He took a clean shirt and a five pound note with him. When he arrived home he hadn't changed either of them.
Two Irishmen were walking down a road when a truck full of grass turf went by.
"Do you know, Shamus, if I ever become rich thats what I'll have done - send my lawn away to be cut."
How can you tell an Irishman on an oil rig?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.
Q: why are the French afraid of soap?
A1: because if they drop it the Germans will fuck them again
A2: they have never seen it before
Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army
Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!
A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. The barman says "That's an real ugly bird you've there. Where did u get it?"
The parrot says "I got it in France ... There's millions of 'em there" |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 09:52 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q. What's an innuendo?
A. An Italian suppository
Q:What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
A:The taste.
what does FIAT stand for?
Fix it again Tony
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Frenzied Italians at traffic-lights
John Howard, the chirpy Australian Prime Minister, flies to England for a meeting with the Queen. Over a cup of tea, Howard brings up his grand new plans for his country.
"Your Majesty, mate, can we turn Australia into a kingdom, in order to increase its force in the world market?"
The Queen shakes her head and replies, "One needs a king for a kingdom, Mr Howard and unfortunately you are most certainly not a king."
Not to be dissuaded, Johnny asks, "Would it be possible just to transform Australia into an empire then?"
"No, you chubby-faced chap," snorts the Queen, "for an empire you need an emperor, and you are most certainly not an emperor."
Howard thinks for a moment and then asks if it is possible to turn Australia into a principality.
The Queen replies, "For a principality, you need a prince, and you Mr Howard are definitely not a prince."
Pausing for a sip of her tea, Her Majesty then adds: "To be quite honest, having met both you and several other Australians, I think Australia is still best suited as a COUNTRY."
On the border of England and Wales there's this small forest that's managed by a couple of wardens, one from England and one from Wales. Whilst patrolling the forest one day, the English warden comes across a wolf caught in a trap. Immediately he returns to his office and phones the Welsh warden and tells him that one of his wolves is caught in a trap.
"How do you know it's one of our wolves?" asks the Welsh warden.
"Well," replies the English warden, "He's already chewed off three of his legs, and he's still trapped."
It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp.
The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft. he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.
He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he said,
"Well sir, how did I do on my very firstday?"
The captain turned around, bowed, and replied,
"You make one velly impoltant mistake!"
Pat & Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before the morning break, Pat yelled "Mick, I've lost me finger!"
"Have you now," said Mick. "And how did you do it?"
Pat replied "I just touched this big, shiny spinning thing here like thi...damn! There goes another one!"
** Mahoney said to his friend McMaken, "I haven't been feelin' meself lately!"
"'Tis a good thing, too -- that was a nasty habit you had!" responded McMaken.
** Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun...'"
A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. Things got out of hand, everyone got pissed and the bride's and groom's families had a storming rage and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court."
The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says,
"Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."
The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride.
The judge says "OK."
"Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song.. when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."
The Judge instantly responded... "Wow.. that must have hurt!"
Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers!" |
Ace1875
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 10:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
what does FIAT stand for?
Fix it again Tony
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Frenzied Italians at traffic-lights
Did you know today Fiat Auto runs well known firms like Lancia, Alfa Romeo, Fiat, and Maserati. Ferrari is owned by the Fiat Group, but is run autonomously :shock: |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 10:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
bloody mafia are into everything lol |
Brixton
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 18:59 · [Salvaged from Archive]
I saw an Irish lady sweeping leaves up the other day, she fell outta the tree. |
Colzi
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 19:44 · [Salvaged from Archive]
hah hah hah Irish woman lol ! |
Brixton
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 20:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Whens the best time to sell an Irishman a plot of land?
When the tide is out. |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 14 Oct 2006, 21:21 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods?
A-Pretty Hot
Q-How? do you starve a black guy?
A-Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
Q-What are three things you cant give a black guy?
A-A black eye, a fat lip, and a job.
Q-What do you call a black guy with 8 arms?
A-One hell of a cotton picker..
Q-What's the last thin that goes through a car crash victims mind?
A-The dash board.
Q-What's in common between Micheal Jackson and a Big mac?
A-They both like to stick their meat between 12 year old buns.
Q-What do you call 300 crackas chasing a black man?
A-The PGA tour.
Q-What did the white guy do before his blood test?
A-He studied.
Q-What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A-A white girl's ass.
Q-What was hitler's first toy as a child?
A-Easy Bake Oven.
Q-What do you call a city full of black people?
A-A black out.
Q-What's the difference between a black man and a trailer?
A-The trailer doesn't scream when you drag it behind your truck.
Q-If in Alabama, if you divorce your wife...is she still your sister?
Q-Why do jews hate orange juice?
A-Because it has concentrate in it. |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Oct 2006, 17:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What do Blacks and Apples have in common?
They both look good hanging!
What do you call two Blacks on one bike?
Organised Crime!
What happened to the nigger who had an abortion?
Crime Stoppers sent her a check for £500!
What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Oct 2006, 15:38 · [Salvaged from Archive]
50F degrees people in Southern England turn on the central heating.
People in Edinburgh plant out bedding plants.
40F degrees Southerners shiver uncontrollably.
Glaswegians sunbathe on the beach at Largs.
35F degrees Cars in the South of England refuse to start.
People in Falkirk drive with their windows down.
20F degrees Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats.
Aberdonian men throw on a T-shirt & women start wearing mini-skirts.
15F degrees Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent.
People from Dundee swim in the North Sea at Broughty Ferry.
0 degrees life in the South grinds to a halt.
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold.
Minus 10F degrees Life in the South ceases to exist.
People in Dunfermline throw on a light jacket.
Minus 80F degrees Polar Bears wonder if it's worth carrying on.
Boy Scouts in Oban start wearing their long trousers.
Minus 100F degrees Santa Claus abandons North Pole.
People in Stirling put on their 'long johns'
Minus 173F degrees Alcohol Freezes.
Glaswegians get nasty because all the pubs are shut.
Minus 297F degrees Microbial life starts to disappear.
The cows in Dunfermline complain about farmers with cold hands.
Minus 460F degrees All atomic motion stops.
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands.
Minus 500F Hell freezes over.............................................
SCOTLAND WINS THE WORLD CUP |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 28 Oct 2006, 21:17 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: 10 jews in a jacuzzi?
A: Skinny dipping |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 29 Oct 2006, 05:57 · [Salvaged from Archive]
This Joke was one of the deleted jokes in this forum.
I rewrote the joke as best I remember how I originally posted it. This was not a "cut and paste" deal and was told me many years ago...
I was shopping in the Grocery Store the other day....
Walking down the Produce Isle and came to a BIG pile of Baking Potatoes.
There were these two women there dressed in middle eastern clothing and speaking with a middle eastern accent.
The one picked up two of the spuds and stated:
"Oh My! Look at de size ov deese Potatoes......Dey remind me of my Husbans Testicles!"
Surprised, I stated to her..."Excuse me Mam, but do you mean to say that your husbands testicles are that BIG?"
"Oh NO!" she replied with a giggle, "They are THAT DIRTY!" |
Ace1875
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 29 Oct 2006, 10:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
LMAO |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 30 Oct 2006, 21:49 · [Salvaged from Archive]
why wasn't jesus born in england?
they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 30 Oct 2006, 22:42 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: It is white an doesn't work
A: a very scared african |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Nov 2006, 22:25 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
Row row row your boat |
Colzi
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Nov 2006, 23:22 · [Salvaged from Archive]
why wasn't jesus born in england?
they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin
:lol: superb! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Nov 2006, 11:18 · [Salvaged from Archive]
There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.
The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'
And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English bastard again
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The pope is visting a beach in Wales when he sees a hapless man wearing an English Rugby jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Welsh Rugby Shirts roared into view from around the point. One of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Englishman from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, before they saw the pope beckoning them to him
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Wales and England, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow."
He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust. As he departed, the
harpoonist asked the others, "Who was that then?" "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom." "Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows nowt about shark hunting, is that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"
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In the beginning, the lord God almighty turned to his best mate, the archangel Gabriel, and said: "Gabby, today I am going to create a beautiful part of the earth and I will call it Wales. I will make a country of breathtaking blue lakes, rich green forests and dark beautiful mountains. Which from time to time will be snow covered. I will give it clear, swift rivers, which will overflow with salmon and trout. The land shall be lush and fertile on which the people can raise cattle and grow their food, as well as being rich with precious metals and stones that will be sought after the world over.
Underneath the land I shall lay rich seams of coal for the inhabitants to mine. Around the coast, I will make some of the most beautiful areas in the world. Golden sandy beaches and cliffs that will attract all manner of wildlife. With lots of islands that will be like a paradise to all who visit them. In the deep blue waters around the shores, there will be an abundance of sea life. The people who live there will be called the Welsh and will be the friendliest people on earth."
"Excuse me sir," interrupted the archangel Gabriel, "dont you think your being a bit too generous to these Welsh?" "Don't talk rubbish," replied the lord. "Wait till you see the neighbours I'm giving them"!
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Headgib
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Nov 2006, 00:46 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
I don't spit on an apple before I eat it!
Yeah, I had to post a tasteless, evil dead baby joke. =P
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Why are black people getting stronger?
'cause TVs are getting bigger!
What do you say when you see your TV floating around in the dark?
Drop it nigger!
Why do blacks have white feet and hands?
Because they were on all fours when god spray painted them!
I can not think of ANY good jokes right now. |
Fuck I'm Dead
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Nov 2006, 11:37 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Mhhh...
What do Belgians grab at when having sex?
...
A school bag :)
Sorry, but someone had to make a joke about Belgians and child molestation ^^
How many jews fit in a car?
Thousands, most of them in the ashtray.
Ok, I actually hate ethnic jokes, and mine suck especially :wink: |
bacio
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 25 Dec 2006, 22:10 · [Salvaged from Archive]
what do you call four dead black men in a pick-up?
a waste of space, you can still fit 6 in the back and two on roof |
8_ball
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 28 Dec 2006, 03:28 · [Salvaged from Archive]
did you hear what happened to the 2 blacks guys that drove off a cliff?
who gives a shit
what do u call 2 fat mexicans in a car?
a low rider
What do you call 4 mexicans in a car?
a drive by
Whats hard to find in East Los Angeles?
a 16 year old female virgin |
scrape98
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Jan 2007, 04:14 · [Salvaged from Archive]
hahaha great thread
Q: how do you starve a black man?
A: hide his food stamps under his work boots
Q: why dont jews eat pussy?
A: to close to the gas chamber
Q: how many mexicans can you fit in a bus?
A: all of them |
jaba
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Jan 2007, 07:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the door. :mrgreen: |
Colzi
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Jan 2007, 19:07 · [Salvaged from Archive]
hysterics!! ^ ^ |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Jan 2007, 19:53 · [Salvaged from Archive]
how do you stop an englishman from drowing??
take your foot off his head :twisted: :twisted: |
jaba
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Jan 2007, 03:17 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you stop a Welshman from drowning himself?
Offer him a job as a shepherd! :mrgreen:
http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e42/jabathut/sheepy.jpg |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Jan 2007, 07:55 · [Salvaged from Archive]
England rugby practice was delayed for nearly 2 hour today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. head coach andy robinson immediatly suspended practice while police and forensic invesigators were called in. after a complete analysis forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the try line, practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again
.................................................. .................................................. ....
the english rugby union are making available a help line for fans who are disappointed with their national teams recent performance, the help line number is :- 0800 10 10 10 thats 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing
.................................................. .................................................. ...
osama bin laden has appeared on tv this morning to quell rumour of his death. to prove that the appearence was not pre recorded bin laden stated that he had "watched the rugby on saturday and england were crap!"
UK and US government officals have dismissed the tape saying the recording could have been made any time over the past 4 years
.................................................. .................................................. ....
whats the difference between an arsonist and the english rugby team?
an arsonist wouldn't waste 8 matches |
Colzi
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Jan 2007, 17:01 · [Salvaged from Archive]
heh heh heh WOOT!! love it! |
jaba
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 13:24 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"
The Kuwaiti women replied, "Land mines." |
Colzi
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 15:55 · [Salvaged from Archive]
heh heh heh ! |
SurfSarge
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 17:24 · [Salvaged from Archive]
W
What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.
!
What do you call 500,000 black guys jumping out of a plane?
Night.
What do you call a black with a bike?
Thief. |
SurfSarge
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 17:40 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says, "My daddy's goy a car. When he honks the horn it goes 'honkey honkey'". Little white boy says, "shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run nigga nigga run'". |
PA
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 17:41 · [Salvaged from Archive]
This chinese guy walks into a bar, sits on a stool, and says "hey ni*ger give me a beer". the bar tender says nothing and gives him the beer.
after the chinese guy drunk his beer he says " hey ni*ger, give me another!", once again the bar tender keeps his cool and gives him the beer"....
this goes on for a while, then once again the chinese fellow says " HEY NI*GER GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER!!" finally the bar tender tells him " hey, i've been a nice guy, and you have just been rude. i bet you would not like it if it were the other way around." then the chinese guy says "fine, bet you a beer ni*ger."
So the bar tender sits on the stool, and the chinese guy goes behind the counter.
Then the bar tender says "hey chink get me a beer!" and the chinese guy replys......"we dont serve ni*gers here!"
:lol: :lol: |
SurfSarge
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 17:45 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: How do you start a black parade?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.
Q: Why do blacks burry their dead upside down?
A: Use em as bike racks.
Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.
Q: What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A: A rotten banana
Q: How long does it take a black lady to shit?
A: 9 months.
Q: Have you ever seen a black person on the jetsons?
A: NO. Looks like a good future doesn't it?
Q: What do you call 20,000 black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: Why are black people so good at Basketball?
A: Cause all you have to do is RUN ... SHOOT ... and STEAL
Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs
Q: Why do police dogs lick their balls?
A: To get the taste of negro out of thier mouths |
SurfSarge
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 17:45 · [Salvaged from Archive]
This chinese guy walks into a bar, sits on a stool, and says "hey ni*ger give me a beer". the bar tender says nothing and gives him the beer.
after the chinese guy drunk his beer he says " hey ni*ger, give me another!", once again the bar tender keeps his cool and gives him the beer"....
this goes on for a while, then once again the chinese fellow says " HEY NI*GER GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER!!" finally the bar tender tells him " hey, i've been a nice guy, and you have just been rude. i bet you would not like it if it were the other way around." then the chinese guy says "fine, bet you a beer ni*ger."
So the bar tender sits on the stool, and the chinese guy goes behind the counter.
Then the bar tender says "hey chink get me a beer!" and the chinese guy replys......"we dont serve ni*gers here!"
:lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: |
SurfSarge
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 17:53 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs?
A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
Q: What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in a pile of leaves?
A: Rasin Brand.
Q: What do you call a group of black people.
A: An auction
Q: Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving?
A: KFC isnt open on holidays.
Q: What would martin luther king be if he was white?
A: Alive |
PA
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 18:11 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.
hehe :lol:
Q: what happed to the guy who put his hand in a jar of jelly beans?
A: all the black ones stole his watch.
:lol: |
SurfSarge
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 18:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.
hehe :lol:
Q: what happed to the guy who put his hand in a jar of jelly beans?
A: all the black ones stole his watch.
:lol:
LoL typical.. :lol: |
jaba
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Jan 2007, 19:51 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Woman: Help! Help! An Irishman tried to rape me!
Police Officer: How do you know he was Irish?
Woman: I had to help him. :mrgreen: |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Jan 2007, 07:43 · [Salvaged from Archive]
There was a classroom of Kids in southeast London. And one morning the teacher asked everyone to stand up in front of the class and tell them what their parents do for a living. When it came to Matthew's (a 9 year old boy) turn he stood up and said "My dad works in a gay lap dancers club, dancing naked on poles for other men and letting them touch him and rub baby lotion on him all night" the whole class looked quite shocked and didn't know how to react. After school the boys mother came to collect him. The teacher pulled her to one side and explained what had happened. "Oh" the mother replied " his Dad actually plays Rugby for the english rugby team" |
jaba
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Jan 2007, 17:30 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why do Mexicans grow mustaches?
So they can look like their moms! :lol: |
Heero Valentine
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Jan 2007, 17:55 · [Salvaged from Archive]
when are u allowed to spit in a mexican women's face?
when here mustache is on fire |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Jan 2007, 16:38 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why you should never run over a black man on a bike, when driving in a truck
-It could be your bike |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Jan 2007, 16:41 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.
hehe :lol:
Q: what happed to the guy who put his hand in a jar of jelly beans?
A: all the black ones stole his watch.
:lol:
LoL typical.. :lol:
Q: Why did the yellow jellybean rape the red one?
A: the black one was sick |
Samtra
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Feb 2007, 17:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q. Why are black people so tall...
A. They're negro's.
Q. If a black person and mexican jump off a building at the same time, who lands first??
A. Who cares?
Q. Why are black people so good at basketball?
A. They all can run, jump, shoot, and steal.
Q. What do you call a taco with a piece of paper in it?
A. Mexican Fortune Cookie
Q. What do you call white people in a limo?
A. White people in a limo
Q. What do you call black people in a limo?
A. Black people in a limo
Q. What do you call mexicans in a limo?
A. Grand Theft Auto
Q. What do you call a bunch of white poeple running down a hill?
A. White poeple running down a hill?
Q. What do you call mexicans running down a hill?
A. Mexicans running down a hill
Q. What do you call blacks running down a hill?
A. Jailbreak
Q. Why are black people so fast?
A. All the slow ones are in jail.
Q. whats the definition of complicated?
A. fathers day in Harlem
Q. what do you do when you see a black guy hopping around on one leg?
A. stop laughing and reload |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Feb 2007, 17:32 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: What is trhe difference between a run over cat and a run over black guy?
A: the brakemarks. |
DandruffBGone
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 13 Feb 2007, 03:18 · [Salvaged from Archive]
BLOW UP
A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for
an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male or female?"
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black or White?"
"White, please."
"Would you like Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man . . . and he replied,
"What has the religion got to do with it? It's an inflatable doll!"
"Well," explained the assistant, "the Muslim one blows itself up." |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Feb 2007, 00:39 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The Irishman and the Proctologist
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with arsehole problems.... "Doctor, it's
me arse. I'd loik ya ta tayak a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible"he says, "there is a $20 Bill lodged up here."
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's butt, and then a
$10.00 bill appears.
"This is amazing!"exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gootness sake tayak it out, man!"shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the ten and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc....
Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Doctor, tank ya kaindly, dat's mooch batter a'm sure Just out of me cuiosity Doc, How moch was in dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1,990.00 exactly." he replied.
"Ah, dat'd be abot roit,''says the Irishman
I knew I wasn't feeling two grand.." |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Feb 2007, 01:00 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why would an Irishman have dollars up his arse? They dont use dollars in Ireland :P
What does a nigger and a bike have in common?
Chains
What do you throw to a drownding nigger?
His wife n kids. |
snufftelect
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Feb 2007, 13:23 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why would an Irishman have dollars up his arse? They dont use dollars in Ireland :P
What does a nigger and a bike have in common?
Chains
What do you throw to a drownding nigger?
His wife n kids.
:| They just plain suck balls, racist or not. |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Feb 2007, 14:53 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why would an Irishman have dollars up his arse? They dont use dollars in Ireland :P
'Cause he was visiting his great aunt who lives in the States!
I don't know why he is carrying American money, maybe he likes the pictures! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Feb 2007, 18:43 · [Salvaged from Archive]
just go to New York, plenty of Irish there, just because he's Irish doesn't mean he's in Ireland, Thanatos is Welsh but he's in England |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Feb 2007, 12:10 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.
He wanders around and eventually stops at a pub to try a pint or two of English beer. He continues sight-seeing and after a while, finds himself in a very high class area. Large stately residences... no pubs, no shops, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC TOILETS.
He desperately needs to go, after all those pints of beer. He sees a narrow side street with high walls surrounding an adjacent buildings, and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby who says, "You can't do that here sir!"
"I'm very sorry officer," replies the American, "but I really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."
"Ah," said the bobby, "just follow me!" He leads him into the back alley, then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby, "Whiz away sir, anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured lawns, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.
As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby, "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call 'British Hospitality?'"
"No sir", replied the bobby, "It's what we call the French Embassy." |
Brixton
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Feb 2007, 13:57 · [Salvaged from Archive]
LOL @ Ozzie, nice one man!
A punk gets on a bus looking unhappy with himself. The bus driver says
''Whats the matter son? you look down?''
''Well'' replies the punk ''You see its like this....there's a nun in the village and I really really really fancy the pants off her but, well.. she's a nun!''
''Oh'' says the bus driver ''I know the nun you mean, well let me tell you something that might help your situation.....you see the vicar takes this nun from behind every friday night at six o clock up in the grave yard, I rekon, that if you get there a little early dressed up as the vicar you could be in with a chnce!''
The punk breaks into smile and hops off at the next stop to go away and plan his meeting withthe lively nun. Sure enough, come friday, the punk has flatened down his mowhawk taken of his ear rings and goes up to the graveyard dressed in a vicar suit. And sure enough, there is the nun bent over a grave stone waiting for the vicar.
The punk comes up from behind and has his way with the young nun. After he has finished his business the punk rips off his disguise and shouts
'' Moohaha, Im not the vicar, Im the punk!!''
At which the nun spins round and rips off her outfit and shouts
''Ha! Im the bus driver!!!!''
lol |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Feb 2007, 16:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Yeeeeooooooowwww!!
LMFAO! :eek7: eewwwwwww |
crazee horse
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Feb 2007, 17:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
penguin walks into a bar, and says to the barman "has my dad been in here?" what does he look like was the reply................ |
Brixton
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Feb 2007, 13:05 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A polar bear walks into a bar. barman says
'yes mate what you having'
bear replies
'er..I'll have a pint of......................er................... ............................................. ...umm....................................... ....................er..................beer'
'no probs' replies the barman 'but why the large pause?' !!!
:xyxthumbs: |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Feb 2007, 16:35 · [Salvaged from Archive]
bloke walks past a shop and sees a poster in the window saying PIES 50P WANKS £1, so he goes in and sees the most gorgeous sexy women behind the counter so he walks up to her and says “excuse me love are you the lady giving wanks for a quid” she replies “yeah thats me” bloke says ” well wash ya fucking hands i want a pie”
------------------------------------------------------------------------
went down to the ship wreck in devon
my mate opened a container and got a new bmw
i opened one and thirty pakis fell out
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
went to the church fete to do a bit for charity
there was allredy a stall selling bits of old junk
so i tied a coon to a post sold rocks and stones
and called it brick-a-black
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two old drunks were drinking in the pub together, when the first one says:
“You know, Mick, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with
both hands. When I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried
really hard.
By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I’m 60
next week and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand.”
“So,” says the second drunk, “What’s your point?”
“The point is, I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m going to get.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
How does a redneck know if his wife has been cheating? He can taste it on his son’s dick
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a motorcyclist runs over your wife, who’s in the wrong?
The Motorscyclist, he should have been riding through your kitchen in the first place!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
An aboriginal kid comes home from school and says mum mum ive got the biggest dick in grade three, is it cause im black??
Mums says: No its cause you’re 19
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whats the difference between Saddam and a Tampax. ?
One’s a string hanging from a cunt, the other is a cunt hanging from a string.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was Friday evening in Liverpool, and having just received their dole cheque, Gaz and Baz were trying to decide where to go that night.
“I know,” said Baz, “There’s a great club in town we ought to try.”
“What’s it like?” asks Gaz.
“Well, you go into the club, and up to the bar where they give you a free drink.
Then you go upstairs for a shag. Then you go back to the bar and have another free drink. After twenty minutes you go upstairs for another shag. After this, you go to the bar again and have another free drink and then go upstairs again and have another shag! After this you go downstairs, have a final drink and leave. On the way out they give you a hundred quid and you go home.”
“Wow!” said Gaz, “That sounds great. Have you been before?”
“No,” said Baz, “but my sister has.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, “Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.”
St. Peter says, “Ok, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a penis?” The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well once I fondled and stroked one.”
St. Peter says, “OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she
reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, “Lisa! What seems to be the rush?
The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her arse in it.” |
Brixton
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Feb 2007, 10:43 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Black guy walks into a pub with a parrott on his shoulder
Landlord says ''That's well good, where did you get that from?''
Parrot replies ''Africa, there's loads of 'em there!'' |
The Dude from Norway
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Feb 2007, 11:25 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A norwegian sat at a sweedish bar, then one of the local sweeds approached him, the sweed was also chewing gum..
The sweed asked, do you eat the whole bread in Norway?
Yes the norwegian replied, not in sweed said the sweed.. We only eat the center and ship the rest to Norway where it`s made into the bread you eat!
Then the sweed asked again, do you eat jam i Norway?
Yes replied the Norwegian again, not in sweden he said, we only eat the good fruit and send the fruit that has gone bad to Norway to be processed and made into jam
The the norwegian asked, do you have sex in Sweden?
Hell yeah the sweed said, still chewing on his piece of gum..
But what do you do with the condoms?
We throw them away said the sweed
Then the norwegian said, not in Norway, we send them to sweeden where they are melted down and made into chewing gum!
Three little boys sat on a rock, one of them was danish, one was sweedish and the other one was norwegian..
Thay argued about who`s dad could hold his breath the longest
The boy from Denmark said, my dad can hold his breath for an hour!
The boy from Norway said, that`s nothing! My dad can hold his breath for a whole day!
Then the boy from Sweden said, you think a day or two is much? My dad has been diving since six months before my birth, and he hasen`t come up yet!
Pardon my english:1bluewinky: |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Feb 2007, 13:21 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An Americain, an Russian and a Israelier, standing next to a shop, A Iranier walks by. he askes: Can you guys tell me were i can get the free meat. please?
the Americain: "What is free?"
the Russian: "Wat is meat?"
the Israelier: "Wat is please?" |
Brixton
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Feb 2007, 15:39 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Whats the definition of a Jewish dilema?
Free Ham. |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Feb 2007, 18:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Black guy walks into a pub with a parrott on his shoulder
Landlord says ''That's well good, where did you get that from?''
Parrot replies ''Africa, there's loads of 'em there!''
Hahahahahahaha..*squawk*http://www.laiwa.com/cache/3/1/128_511156_128x128.gif |
cai_gorgeous
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 08:32 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Draz.....
That chit was funny, LOL i'm telling ya, never thought about white humor....being a CRACKER and all that! Just goes to show you, all groups poke some fun at other groups, gotta understand though, it is all in fun.
We all have to be willing to laugh at ourselves before we laugh at each other!
yo.....Did you hear about the little 4 year old Black Kid that had Diarrhea?
LOL.....He thought he was MELTING!!!
^^ ROFL:D:D:D |
The Joker
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 08:36 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A polar bear walks into a bar. barman says
'yes mate what you having'
bear replies
'er..I'll have a pint of......................er................... ............................................. ...umm....................................... ....................er..................beer'
'no probs' replies the barman 'but why the large pause?' !!!
:xyxthumbs:
LMAO:D:D:D!!!!! |
cai_gorgeous
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 09:00 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman ans says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."
paddy and murphy were walking in the woods when they came across a sign saying, "Tree Fellers wanted". One of them said, "Ye know, it's a shame mick isn't here. We could have gotten the job".
yeah i must agree..funny shit..:D |
cai_gorgeous
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 09:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The Irish Prostitute
An Irish girl went to London to work as a secretary and began sending home money and gifts to her parents.
After a few years they asked her to come home for a visit, as her father was getting frail and elderly. She pulled up to the family home in a Rolls Royce and stepped out wearing furs and diamonds.
As she walked into the house her father said "Hmmm, they seem to be paying secretaries awfully well in London."
The girl took his hands and said, "Dad, I've been meaning to tell you something for years but I didn't want to put it in a letter. I can't hide it from you any longer. I've become a prostitute."
Her father gasped, put his hand on his heart and keeled over. The doctor was called but the old man had clearly lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called.
As the priest began to administer Extreme Unction, with the mother and daughter weeping and wailing, the old man muttered weakly, "I'm a goner, killed by me own daughter! Killed by the shame of what you've become!"
"Please forgive me," his daughter sobbed, "I only wanted to have nice things! I wanted to be able to send you money and the only way I could do it was by becoming a prostitute."
Brushing the priest aside, the old man bolted upright in bed, smiling.
"Did ye say prostitute? I thought ye said PROTESTANT!!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender." Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Connor," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over."So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile."Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no toilet paper on this side either"....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
love the one when the drnk guy though he went deaf and the toilent.. lolz:D |
The Joker
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 09:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!" |
cai_gorgeous
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 09:38 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why would an Irishman have dollars up his arse? They dont use dollars in Ireland :P
What does a nigger and a bike have in common?
Chains
What do you throw to a drownding nigger?
His wife n kids.
sick in anyways..:eek7::eek7: |
The Joker
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 09:39 · [Salvaged from Archive]
i love the nigger and bike one...it goes soo well |
cai_gorgeous
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 09:41 · [Salvaged from Archive]
LOL @ Ozzie, nice one man!
A punk gets on a bus looking unhappy with himself. The bus driver says
''Whats the matter son? you look down?''
''Well'' replies the punk ''You see its like this....there's a nun in the village and I really really really fancy the pants off her but, well.. she's a nun!''
''Oh'' says the bus driver ''I know the nun you mean, well let me tell you something that might help your situation.....you see the vicar takes this nun from behind every friday night at six o clock up in the grave yard, I rekon, that if you get there a little early dressed up as the vicar you could be in with a chnce!''
The punk breaks into smile and hops off at the next stop to go away and plan his meeting withthe lively nun. Sure enough, come friday, the punk has flatened down his mowhawk taken of his ear rings and goes up to the graveyard dressed in a vicar suit. And sure enough, there is the nun bent over a grave stone waiting for the vicar.
The punk comes up from behind and has his way with the young nun. After he has finished his business the punk rips off his disguise and shouts
'' Moohaha, Im not the vicar, Im the punk!!''
At which the nun spins round and rips off her outfit and shouts
''Ha! Im the bus driver!!!!''
lol yeah iwww...:D |
The Joker
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 09:44 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Lmfao!!!!^^^^^ |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 11:47 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Last week, they awarded a shoe-shop owner as best salesman in the States...
he sold working boots to a black man. |
Heero Valentine
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 15:48 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"
brilljant joker, just brilljant |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 22:36 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey, my son," asks the Pope, "What can I do for you?"
Dopey replies, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to the Pope, asking "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No,
Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back to the Holy Father a final time and demands, "Mr. Pope!
Are there ANY dwarf nuns ANYWHERE in the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the
floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting ...
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!" |
The Joker
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 23:35 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Am i seeing double or something?!?!
Two Leprechauns
Two Leprechauns have a bet. To settle their bet, they take it to a convent. Mother Superior answers the door, and says "Oh my goodness! Its a Leprechaun!"
The first Leprechaun replies, "Take it easy sister, I only wanna ask you a qustion. Are there any nuns in your convent that are my size?"
"No, little man, there is no nuns in my convent that are your size."
"Alright then. Are there any nuns in all of Ireland, that are my size?"
"No, little man, there are no nuns in all of Ireland that are your size."
"Alright then. One more question: Are there any nuns in all of the world, that are my size?"
"No, little man, I am quite sure there are no nuns in all of the word that are your size!"
"Okay then." The second Leprechaun starts laughing his ass off. But through the laughter, he manages to say "You see, i told you, you fucked a penguin!"
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey, my son," asks the Pope, "What can I do for you?"
Dopey replies, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to the Pope, asking "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No,
Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back to the Holy Father a final time and demands, "Mr. Pope!
Are there ANY dwarf nuns ANYWHERE in the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the
floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting ...
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!" |
_booted_
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 23:36 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Yes, definetly.
Fucking wogs need to learn that its all in good humor.
i agree, boring speer schucking munkys. lol:D :p |
_booted_
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 23:41 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.
What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.
What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
Niggers.
Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.
What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.
How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.
Why do niggers cry during sex?
The Mace. |
The Joker
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Feb 2007, 23:43 · [Salvaged from Archive]
ive heard tons of the variations of Jews and oven prepared foods...haha!! |
_booted_
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Feb 2007, 00:09 · [Salvaged from Archive]
whats do u call a nigger lying in the road?
a speed bump. |
The Joker
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Feb 2007, 00:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
lol...stupid niggers lyin round the road...tsk tsk tsk!! |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Feb 2007, 00:22 · [Salvaged from Archive]
what's the difference between a run over cat, and a run over nigger???
The brakemarks. |
_booted_
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Feb 2007, 00:23 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why do niggers have flat noses?
When they are born the doctor drops them on the floor, steps on the back of their heads and jerks the tail out.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A nigger and seagull fighting over a french fry on the Jersey shore!
What’s black and white and goes rolling along the boardwalk?
A nigger and a pigeon fighting over a chicken wing!
Did you hear about the little black kid who got diarrhea?
He thought he was melting
What do you call three blacks at a skinhead barbeque?
Charcoal.
How do you make a nigger nervous?
Take him to an auction.
What do you call two nigger motorcycle cops?
Chocolate CHiPs.
A cowboy, an indian, and a black man are sitting at a bar. the indian turns to the black man and says, “We once were many but now we’re few”. the black man replies, “We once were few but now we’re many”. the cowbay over hears all this and says to the black man, ” Thats because we haven’t played cowboys and niggers yet”.
What does NAACP stand for?
Niggers are actually colored polocks.
What do you call a black woman who gets an abortion?
A member of Crimestoppers of America.
Whats the difference between a black and a snow tire?
A snow tire won’t sing when you put chains on it.
There is a 3 story apartment |
tgd_02
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Feb 2007, 03:14 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
winnar!!!! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Feb 2007, 18:01 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Am i seeing double or something?!?!
:eek7: whoops, i thought it looked familiar |
Heero Valentine
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Feb 2007, 18:55 · [Salvaged from Archive]
both funny though :D |
_booted_
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 28 Feb 2007, 01:35 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit on his face.
What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.
Why do niggers drive with their windows up?
They think the smell is coming from outside.
What has four legs and a black arm?
A happy pitbull. |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 28 Feb 2007, 16:27 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What do you say to a nigger with a job?
Two cheeseburgers please...
---
What did the Jewish girl get on her S.A.T.s?
Nail polish.
---
What's more dangerous than a nigger with a switch blade?
A faggot with a chipped tooth.
---
What's the difference between a Jewish mother and an Arab terrorist?
You can negotiate with an Arab terrorist.
---
Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck my fucking dick.
---
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think we care.
---
What's the difference between a nigger and a battery
A battery ha a positive side |
The Dude from Norway
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 28 Feb 2007, 21:15 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How many sweeds does it take to change a lightbolb?
201, 1 to hold to bolb in place and 200 to rotate the house |
_booted_
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Mar 2007, 03:50 · [Salvaged from Archive]
a black and a white kid dies and ends up at the pearly gates......the white kid gets a pair of wings.....the white kid says "WOW am i an angel?"
A. yes.......the black kid goes to gates and gets passed a pair too,.... so the black kid asks the same...?? A. are u fuck, ur a bat im not racist realy....i do tell quite a few racist jokest, but im not |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Mar 2007, 23:08 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q:What do you call a white man surrounded by indians? A: A bartender |
_booted_
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 1 Mar 2007, 23:33 · [Salvaged from Archive]
its a repeat but i love this one
Why do niggers have flat noses?
When they are born the doctor drops them on the floor, steps on the back of their heads and jerks the tail out. |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 2 Mar 2007, 18:26 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An insect falls into a mug of beer...
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the NFL decide to paint it's footballs green?
A: Have you ever seen a nigger drop a watermelon?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?
Victim.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 50 black guys?
Coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5,000 black guys?
Warden.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why don't Blacks sleep with Puerto Ricans?
They're afraid their children would be too lazy to steal
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
How was break dancing invented?
Niggers trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
Ever try taking a rib from a nigger?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do niggers always have sex on their mind?
Because they've got pubic hair on their head!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a black and a letter?
You can send a letter back to where it came from.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the jewish child molestor?
He hid in the bushes and said, "Hey little boy, wanna buy some candy?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."
She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie." |
Fireball
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 3 Mar 2007, 05:04 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.
Hasrh, btw nvmmmmm ugh I screwed up the size of my text in my internet lol |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 3 Mar 2007, 13:16 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A guy is drinking water from a river. I said to him "Don't drink it, the water is poluted! ". He said to me "What do ya say Mothafckr. never seen a nigger drinking.?
I said to him "Yo USE TWO HANDS DRINKING THE WATER!!" |
pikey
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 5 Mar 2007, 20:10 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The Italian Battle flag.
White cross on a white background! |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Mar 2007, 20:50 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The Italian Battle flag.
White cross on a white background!
shit thats the same as the french one:1bluewinky:
paddy buys a new bath, takes it home and fits it in his bathroom, the next day he goes back to the shop complaining that water keeps leaking out of it.
the shop manager says "did you buy a plug?"
paddy says "you cunt, you never told me it was electric!" |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Mar 2007, 21:04 · [Salvaged from Archive]
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e59/ufntool/ThePearlyGa… |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Mar 2007, 22:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A: Because you couldn't get that much shit into a shoe.
Q: Why do Italians wear hats?
A: To know which end to wipe.
Q: Did you hear about the Italian-American who emigrated to Poland?
A: He raised the IQ of both countries.
Q: What are the three occasions on which an Italian man visits his priest?
A: His first communion. When he gets married. Before his electrocution.
Q: What would your call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment.
Q: Why are camels called "Ships of the Desert"?
A: Because they're full of Muslim semen.
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in England?
A: Any female under the age of eighteen.
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in France?
A: Any female under the age of sixteen.
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in the Middle East?
A: Any camel that can run faster than an Muslim.
Q: What is the title of the new Vietnamese cookbook?
A: 100 ways to wok your dog
Q: How do you define "confusion"?
A: Father's Day in Harlem.
A Black yuppie decides to do a bit of hang-gliding. He drives out to the country, takes his hang-glider, and proceeds to float off high over the woods.
Two old White farmers, Rosco and J.T., had picked the same day to do a little hunting.
Rosco looks up and says to J.T., "Shit! Dat's de biggest goddam bird I eva seen!".
"Let's get him" says J.T.
They fire off several shots, but the glider floats off serenely over the trees and out of sight.
"Hell, Rosco," says J.T., "I b'lieve we winged dat bird".
"Shit, I know we winged him," says Rosco "Did you see how fast he dropped dat Nigger?".
A truckie was driving a shipment of bowling balls through a town in the deep South when, to his horror, the tail-gate came loose and hundreds of black bowling balls went rolling out across the main road.
Within minutes, dozens of townsfolk came rushing out and began smashing the bowling balls into little pieces with axes, sledge-hammers, and anything heavy that came to hand.
The truckie runs up to them, screaming out "What are you doing? Why are smashing them?".
One of the townsfolk yells back "We gotta kill the Niggers before they hatch!"
Have you seen the world's shortest books?:
Irish Wit and Wisdom.
Jewish Business Ethics.
Italian War Heroes.
Negroes I Have Met While Yachting.
Aboriginal Hygeine Hints.
Adolf Hitler's Kosher Recipes.
Muslim Pork Dishes.
The Amish Phone Book.
Things I Can`t Afford by Bill Gates.
Great Women Drivers of Today.
The Complete Guide to Catholic Sex.
The Book of Good Australian Beer.
Beauty Secrets by Cathy Freeman. |
Hedge Wisard
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Mar 2007, 23:02 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What do you call Ten black guys in a steam room................Gorrilas in the mist!!!! Rofl |
UnregisteredSexOffender
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Mar 2007, 23:35 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Have you seen the world's shortest books?
Negroes I Have Met While Yachting
I would definitly read that book.:1orglaugh: |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Mar 2007, 00:22 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A representative of the Jewish heritage organization devoted his life to finding
Hitler, believing he had never actually died. One day he got a tip-off that Hitler
was living on a tropical island in the Caribbean. He immediately got on a plane and
inquired about his exact whereabouts. Then, having landed and searched about,
he caught sight of a man sitting in a hammock in front of a huge mansion. He
immediately recognised him as Hitler and affronted him:
"I know who you are....." to which the man replied:
"I killed six million Jews - and six hairdressers..." The representative was baffled:
"Six hairdressers?" he said, puzzled,
"Ah" said Hitler, slamming his fist on the table, " I told you no-one cared about
the Jews!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
On his death bed John O'Malley a stalwart protestant all his life called for his beloved wife margret. "Maggie, I need ya to do me one last thing before I go off to see me maker..." "Anything John, what is it?" "You have to get a priest fromt he catholic church and have him convert me." "But John, you've been a protestant all your life. You hate the catholics why on earth would you want your last act in this world to be that?" "I'd rather see one of them die than one of ours!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?
Mick Jagger says, "Hey you! Get off of my cloud."
And the Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do Asians do when they have erections?
A: Vote.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 31 Mar 2007, 21:16 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How many Americans does it take to buy gas?
250,000 to sieze it, and one to pump it.
What do the American army and car crashes have in common?
They both kill hundreds of Brits a year.
why don`t Americans have a sense of humour?
because they think irony as the same as silvery or coppery
because they don`t understand pathos ( hey, wasn`t he one of the three musketeers?)
because they don`t understand bathos ( look I already told you he was one of the three musketeers, you stupid? what? who? Y`know, that shit written by some frog guy called Dumbass.)
What's the similarity between an Australian and a Muslim?
They both get stoned after shagging their sister.
What's the difference between Austrailia and a pot of yoghurt??
If you leave yoghurt for long enough it will develop a culture.
How do you kill one hundred flies at once?
Twat an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama? So the French can show them how to surrender.
How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, it's never been tried.
How can you identify a French Infantryman?
Sunburned armpits. |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Apr 2007, 02:20 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Whats the difference between a bucket of shit and a nigger?
The bucket!
Why dont niggers like country music?
Everytime they hear ho down they think their sister's been shot |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Apr 2007, 15:56 · [Salvaged from Archive]
why do nigger never drive cars??
There is no steering wheel in the back of a police car.... |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Apr 2007, 18:34 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A dustman knocks on a Japanese mans door,
the Jap man opens the door a saysharro, wot u want?
Dustman asks, wheres ur bin?
I bin on the loo, says jap man
no mate, wheres ya dustbin?
I dustbin on the loosays jap man
no no mate wheres ur wheelie bin?
Hokay, I wheelie bin havin a wank!!
Aboriginal style?
An Australian Aboriginal goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a prostitute.
He asks, How much do you charge for da hour, bro? $100, she replies.
He says Okay, do you do Aboriginal style? She says No!
Ill pay you $200 to do it Aboriginal style? he said She again says No since she doesnt know what Aboriginal style is.
So he then offers her $300. Again she declines his offer. So finally he says, Ill give you $500 to go Aboriginal style with me!
Finally, she agrees, thinking, Well Ive been in the game for over 10 years now. Ive been there and Ive done that: had every kind of request from weirdos from every corner of the world. How bad could Aboriginal Style be?'
So she goes ahead and has sex with him - doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, That was fantastic. Ive never enjoyed it so much, but I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where does theAboriginal style come in? The Aboriginal replies. . .
Send da bill to da Gubment
Irish family found frozen to death outside a Dublin cinema
had been queuing for three weeks to see
closed for the winter
2 Irishmen making a letter bomb
paddy says do you think Ive put enough explosives in this envelope
dont know open it and see says Murphy
but it will explode says paddy
dont be stupid says Murphy its not addressed to you
the Pakistan cricket board have just announced in a press conference that Gladstone Small is to be there new coach. Lets see them strangle that cunt!
The Pakistani cricket team have given up on cricket
apparently theyve taken up bob slaying |
_booted_
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Apr 2007, 21:16 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Ilike the last one. Thats the first one iv heard about that incident so far:1orglaugh: :1orglaugh: :D :D |
StudLife27
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 10 Apr 2007, 03:10 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q:why do jews have big noses?
A:because the air is free!
HAHAHAHAHA! |
StudLife27
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Apr 2007, 01:33 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why do Blonds wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm. |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 14 Apr 2007, 22:21 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:
10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale JR.
5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.
2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
1 - They can't wear their helmets sideways! |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Apr 2007, 17:42 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A Priest and a Rabbi
A Priest and a Rabbi were walking down the street when they saw this 12 year old boy.
The Priest says ''Let's fuck him.''
The Rabbi says ''Out of what?'' |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 17 May 2007, 21:23 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A Black couple from the Deep South was having a hard time conceiving a baby.
So the husband went to see his Doctor...
After an Exam and a Bunch of tests, the Doctor told the man he was Impotent!
After the Doctor's visit, the man stopped at a Bar to figure out what to do.....then it hit him.
He decided to go shopping at the Mall!
When he arrived back home, he was wearing a Brand New three piece suit, with a Dapper Derby and a Cane. His wife said to him..."Is you Crazy? Watchya doin in dem new clothes an wat'd the Doc say ta ya?" The Man replied..."Wells, aftas ahs takes dem tests an the Docs is dun stickin me wit dem needles...
he's tells me dat ahm Impotant....so ahs figures ahs shoud Dress Impotent!! |
crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 17 May 2007, 23:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why doesn't Mexico have a navy?
Because cardboard doesn't float |
Axis
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 May 2007, 14:39 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why doesn't Mexico have a navy?
Because cardboard doesn't float
:1orglaugh: :1orglaugh: |
Vanguard
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 May 2007, 20:04 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What do you call a smart Blond?
A golden retriever |
phyuckew
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 30 May 2007, 04:36 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:
"My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firs time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting... just anyting you want, you say. Whatchou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want... numba 69!" More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries... "You want... Beef wif Broccori? |
Afronaught
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Jun 2007, 03:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: What do you call an Englishman with a Spade lodged in his head?
A: Doug
Q: What do you call an Scotsman Carrying a crowbar?
A: Jimmy
Q: What do you call 5 Black guys pushing a car?
A: Black Power
Q: What do you call 5 White guys pushing a car?
A: White Power
Q: What do you call 5 Mexicans pushing a car?
A: Theft
Q: What do you call an American Lying under a car?
A: Jack
Q: What do you call a Welshman With a bag of Leaves over his head?
A: Russel
Q: If you pull the spade out of the Englishman's head mentioned above, what do you call him then?
A: Douglass |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 9 Jun 2007, 11:42 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q: It is black and nice.
A: Coffee
Q:Why did the black dude paint his home red?
A: otherwise people keep emptying their trashcan in it |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 14 Jun 2007, 11:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's a black guy behind a piano?
A Piano player |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 14 Jun 2007, 11:46 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q) What do you call a guy who likes to race alot?
A) A race-ist |
crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 17 Jun 2007, 06:50 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?
Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim has left the country |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Jun 2007, 17:54 · [Salvaged from Archive]
NIGGER OWNERS MANUAL
Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.
INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have purchased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately after unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called Latrelle, L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's head, by the way.
CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and vocal chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking, yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call a vet and have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say, anyway. Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not the nigger's). This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the boat
HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two hundred niggers. You can site a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never invented the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.
FEEDING YOUR NIGGER.
Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should therefore give it none of these things because its lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other niggers, etc. Experienced nigger owners sometimes push watermelon slices through the bars of the nigger cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if all niggers have worked well and nothing has been stolen that day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a killer, since all niggers steal something almost every single day of their lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his niggers as a result. You should never allow your nigger meal breaks while at work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no idea.
MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK.
Niggers are very, very averse to work of any kind. The nigger's most prominent anatomical feature, after all, its oversized buttocks, which have evolved to make it more comfortable for your nigger to sit around all day doing nothing for its entire life. Niggers are often good runners, too, to enable them to sprint quickly in the opposite direction if they see work heading their way. The solution to this is to *dupe* your nigger into working. After installation, encourage it towards the cotton field with blows of a wooden club, fence post, baseball bat, etc., and then tell it that all that cotton belongs to a white man, who won't be back until tomorrow. Your nigger will then frantically compete with the other field niggers to steal as much of that cotton as it can before the white man returns. At the end of the day, return your nigger to its cage and laugh at its stupidity, then repeat the same trick every day indefinitely. Your nigger comes equipped with the standard nigger IQ of 75 and a memory to match, so it will forget this trick overnight. Niggers can start work at around 5am. You should then return to bed and come back at around 10am. Your niggers can then work through until around 10pm or whenever the light fades.
ENTERTAINING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger enjoys play, like most animals, so you should play with it regularly. A happy smiling nigger works best. Games niggers enjoy include: 1) A good thrashing: every few days, take your nigger's pants down, hang it up by its heels, and have some of your other niggers thrash it with a club or whip. Your nigger will signal its intense enjoyment by shrieking and sobbing. 2) Lynch the nigger: niggers are cheap and there are millions more where yours came from. So every now and then, push the boat out a bit and lynch a nigger.
Lynchings are best done with a rope over the branch of a tree, and niggers just love to be lynched. It makes them feel special. Make your other niggers watch. They'll be so grateful, they'll work harder for a day or two (and then you can lynch another one). 3) Nigger dragging: Tie your nigger by one wrist to the tow bar on the back of suitable vehicle, then drive away at approximately 50mph. Your nigger's shrieks of enjoyment will be heard for miles. It will shriek until it falls apart. To prolong the fun for the nigger, do *NOT* drag him by his feet, as his head comes off too soon. This is painless for the nigger, but spoils the fun. Always wear a seatbelt and never exceed the speed limit. 4) Playing on the PNL: a variation on (2), except you can lynch your nigger out in the fields, thus saving work time. Niggers enjoy this game best if the PNL is operated by a man in a tall white hood. 5) Hunt the nigger: a variation of Hunt the Slipper, but played outdoors, with Dobermans. WARNING: do not let your Dobermans bite a nigger, as they are highly toxic.
DISPOSAL OF DEAD NIGGERS.
Niggers die on average at around 40, which some might say is 40 years too late, but there you go. Most people prefer their niggers dead, in fact. When yours dies, report the license number of the car that did the drive-by shooting of your nigger. The police will collect the nigger and dispose of it for you.
COMMON PROBLEMS WITH NIGGERS - MY NIGGER IS VERY AGGRESIVE
Have it put down, for god's sake. Who needs an uppity nigger? What are we, short of niggers or something?
MY NIGGER KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN
They all do this. Shorten your nigger's chain so it can't reach any white women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.
WILL MY NIGGER ATTACK ME?
Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely. If niggers successfully overthrew their owners, they'd have to sort out their own food. This is probably why nigger uprisings were nonexistent (until some fool gave them rights).
MY NIGGER bitches ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RACISM".
Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the fuck up.
MY NIGGER'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. - WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A NIGGER?
A nigger's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color you can see is the shit your nigger is full of. This is why some models of nigger are sold as "The Shitskin".
MY NIGGER ACTS LIKE A NIGGER, BUT IS WHITE.
What you have there is a "wigger". Rough crowd. WOW!
IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE?
They're as common as dog shit and about as valuable. In fact, one of them was President between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage with a few hundred genuine niggers and you'll soon find it stops acting like a nigger. However, leave it in the cage and let the niggers dispose of it. The best thing for any wigger is a dose of TNB.
MY NIGGER SMELLS REALLY BAD
And you were expecting what?
SHOULD I STORE MY DEAD NIGGER?
When you came in here, did you see a sign that said "Dead nigger storage"? .That's because there ain't no goddamn sign. |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Jun 2007, 19:40 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Whos the best Jewish cook?
Hitler.
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What's a Jewish woman's favorite position for sex?
Facing Macy's.
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Why are jews so good at math?
They got all the answers burned on their arms.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x
First Man: I'm going to be just like Hitler and kill all the jews. But I'm going to kill all the clowns, too.
Second Man: Why the clowns? First Man: See, no one cares about the Jews!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x
Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
It stops on a dime, then picks it up .
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What did the little German boy get for his birthday?
Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew
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Little Zachary, a Jewish kid, was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of to help his math!
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner, to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. With great trepidation, his mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math.
She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.
"Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"
Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't screwing around."
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A chinaman and a jew are drinking at a bar when the jew gets nasty. "You motherfuckers ought to be ashamed of yourselves for Pearl Harbor. Sneaky little shits, bombing all of those innocent sailors, fuck you." The chink replied, "Hey! Wait a minute, that wasn't us! I'm Chinese. Pearl Harbor was done by Japanese." The jew said, "Ahh, Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" So the chink says, "Well, what about your people? Sinking the Titanic and killing all those helpless women and children, I should fuck you up right here." The kike exclaimed, "What the hell are you yapping about? Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it hit an iceberg, you jackass!" The chink said, "Ahh, iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
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crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 22 Jun 2007, 07:12 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What do you call a black women who has 7 abortions?
A crime fighter! |
prowler_1
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Jun 2007, 10:37 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q Whats the difference between a BMW and a snail?
A The snail's got the slime on the outside. |
crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 26 Jun 2007, 19:33 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you stop a mexican tank?
Shoot the guy who's pushing it
Juan, Carlos, and Antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. Who wins?
Society
What are the first 3 words in a mexican cook book?
Steal a chicken
What is it when a Mexican is taking a shower?
A MIRACLE!
What do you call a pool with a mexican in it?
Bean Dip
Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?
He couldn't find 3 wisemen or a virgin |
tgd_02
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 29 Jun 2007, 20:10 · [Salvaged from Archive]
omfgloltehmmexicanjoekrsaretehunayroflwtfbbqlolmao ! |
Haseknumber39
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 5 Jul 2007, 17:18 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Q - How do you kill aload of Ethiopians?
A - Chuck a cookie off a cliff
and another not so good one
Q - What happens when Cilit Bang goes to Nigeria?
A - Bang and the dirt is gone |
crazyjoe
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Jul 2007, 20:41 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Did you hear about the Mexican who graduated College?
Me neither |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Jul 2007, 15:30 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why do they make white chocolate?
So the black kids can get dirty too. |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Jul 2007, 21:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Did you hear about the Mexican who graduated College?
Me neither
Fuckin hell, that was a good one :1orglaugh: |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Jul 2007, 21:28 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Mexico; “What’s that smell?” |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 24 Jul 2007, 23:48 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.
So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St.
Patrick was a drunken loser.""Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies.
"I told him St.
Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...
watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St.
Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!""Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies.
"You're right.
He's unshakable!"The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off...
just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St.
Patrick was an Englishman!""Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me." |
footballbat
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 3 Aug 2007, 22:24 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Hispanic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Irish home.
After a few weeks in the Irish facility, they came to visit grandpa.
"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.
"It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says Grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile.
"There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!"
"There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!"
"And there's a physician here -- 90 years old. He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!"
"And me......, I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me The Fuckin' Mexican' |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 4 Aug 2007, 01:08 · [Salvaged from Archive]
thansk to yhe one ho gave me good rep, CHEEERS WOOOH |
dudemanbro
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Aug 2007, 06:22 · [Salvaged from Archive]
-why do mexicans refry their beans?
have you ever seen a mexican get something right the first time?
this next one is very touchy but.. here it goes...
-why did hitler really kill himself?
he saw the gas bill |
Heero Valentine
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Aug 2007, 17:55 · [Salvaged from Archive]
:D same with the why did germany lost the war?
cause of their gas bill |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Aug 2007, 18:07 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.
So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St.
Patrick was a drunken loser.""Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies.
"I told him St.
Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...
watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St.
Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!""Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies.
"You're right.
He's unshakable!"The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off...
just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St.
Patrick was an Englishman!""Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
:mad2: someones using my old jokes :1orglaugh: |
dudemanbro
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 8 Aug 2007, 04:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
-whats 3 things you cant give a black person?
a fat lip, black eye, and a job.
-whats long black and smells like shit?
welfare line.
-how does every etnic joke start?
by looking over your shoulder.
-what do you get when you cross a jew with a mexican?
a janitor that thinks he owns the building.
-what is the american dream?
all blacks swimming back to africa with a jew and mexican under each arm. |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Aug 2007, 14:56 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A rich Canadian, a Mexican, and a Americain, are in a small plane, flying above the sea.
The Canadian, picks up a handfull of canadian dollars, and throws it out of a window. He says " ah, Enough of this in canada"
The Mexicain throws his burrito out of the window and says "Yes, Even enough of this shit in Mexico"
The Americain dude, takes a look at the Mexicain.. The mexicain gasps and says "No no, Don't you dare it!!!" |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 18 Aug 2007, 22:49 · [Salvaged from Archive]
It is free, and you can upload videos overthere
JewTube |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 19 Aug 2007, 00:46 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Lol! We got a thread winner |
MasterMorbius
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Aug 2007, 03:43 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Whats black and white, black and brown, and black and black?
a nun roasting on a stick |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 20 Aug 2007, 12:37 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What do you call a jew with a gastank on his back?
Addicted |
HeyBuddy
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Aug 2007, 16:50 · [Salvaged from Archive]
I haven't had time to read the entire thread, so I might be repeating someone.
Two middle eastern men moved to America. On the plane they made a bet. They wanted to see who would become more Americanized in the first year.
One year later, they met outside of a local bar. The first middle eastern man said, "I'm sure I've got you beat. I take my kids to little league in an SUV, my wife got breast implants, I joined a bowling league and I drink Budweiser". The other middle eastern man looked him straight in the eye and said, "Shut the fuck up towel head". |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Aug 2007, 17:37 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What is white, and keeps getting smaller and red?
A kid with a knive and Parkinson |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Aug 2007, 18:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
My grandpa died in auschwitz....
...He slipped in the shower |
HeyBuddy
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Aug 2007, 18:20 · [Salvaged from Archive]
^^^OH SHIT!!! I'm not laughing :1orglaugh: :1orglaugh: :1orglaugh: Okay, I don't feel good about laughing...LOL |
HeyBuddy
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 23 Aug 2007, 18:04 · [Salvaged from Archive]
An INDIANA friend sent this to me, and it's pretty accurate actually.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will shine a spotlight on you while your
drunk ass is taking a piss in the bushes.
---------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs
INDIANA FRIENDS: Call your parents drunk as hell and tell
them about the UGLY FUCKER you tried to pick up
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and
hope that no one is late for the ride home.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Know some wild shit will happen, and set
up rally points.
--------------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did
was wrong.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying,
Damn...that shit was fun "
------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Cry with you.
INDIANA FRIENDS: laugh at you
---------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it
back.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody
remembers who bought it in the first place.
--------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night
stand and leave them alone.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will Crawl naked into the room with a
camera and hope for the tag team.
--------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from
you.
------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd
is doing.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left
you.
--------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"
----------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get
tossed out of the bar.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will buck up and go after the bouncer for
touching you on the way out.
-------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that
night, and are sorry you couldn't come.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you,
drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.
-----------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've
had enough.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the
place and say, "You better drink the rest of that shit, you know we
don't waste. That's alcohol abuse!!!" HAHAHAHA !!!!
------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Can't begin to remember who owes who money
after taking care of each other for so long.
---------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore".
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will say "okay, just one more..." and then
2 minutes later "okay, just one more!".
-------------------------------------------------
FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit
about you.
INDIANA FRIENDS: Will knock them the Fuck out!! |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Aug 2007, 20:21 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How fast i your internet connection?
10 niggabits |
Big Ozzie
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 27 Aug 2007, 20:33 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Being Irish Means.......
* you will never play professional basketball
* you swear very well
* at least one of your cousins holds political office
* you think you sing very well
* you have no idea how to make a long story short
* you are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf
* there isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone
* much of your food was boiled
* you have never hit your head on the ceiling
* you spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling
* you're strangely poetic after a few beers
* you're poetic a lot
* you will be punched for no good reason...a lot
* some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations
* your sister will punch you because your brother punched her
* many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary...and one is Mary
Catherine Elizabeth
* someone in your family is incredibly cheap
* it is more than likely you
* you don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing
* you can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking
* "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge"
* you're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent,
you make up for in frequency
* there wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last kegger
party
* you are, or know someone, named "Murph"
* if you don't know Murph, then you know "Mac"
* if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know "Sully"
* you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy
* you are genetically incapable of keeping a secret
* your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency
room
and last but not least... Being Irish means...
* your attention span is so short that---oh, forget it. |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 3 Sept 2007, 15:22 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why does stevie wonder always laugh?
He doesn't know he is black
---
What do you say to a nigger in a uniform?
two cheeseburgers and a large sprite, no ice, please
---
It is black and yellow and it makes you laugh
A schoolbus filled with niggers, balancing on a cliff
---
But why did nobody laugh this time?
There were 12 empty seats.
---
What''s the different between a Jew and a pizza in a oven?
The pizza doesn't scream when you turn on the gas |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 3 Sept 2007, 16:52 · [Salvaged from Archive]
- Have you ever had sex with a black?
- No, but i've jacked of with a black leather glove once |
ceehound619
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 3 Sept 2007, 18:28 · [Salvaged from Archive]
why does a black guy have red eyes after sex??? PEPPER SPRAY!!!! :1orglaugh: Why are so many black soldiers dying in IRAQ??? when the seargent shouts GET DOWN... they start dancing!!!! :1orglaugh: what do you call 2 mexicans playing basketball??? JUAN ON JUAN!!!! :1orglaugh: |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Sept 2007, 18:17 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A white baby and a black baby die in a playground accident, in heaven god stands before them, he gives the white baby a pair of wings.
"I'm an angel!" screams the white baby.
He then hands the black baby a pair of wings.
"I'm an angel too!" yells the black baby.
"No, your a bat, now fuck off" says god. |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Sept 2007, 16:06 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you fit 50 jews in one car?
-Two in the front
-Three in the back
-And the rest in the ashtray |
ceehound619
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 9 Sept 2007, 01:38 · [Salvaged from Archive]
why do blacks call white "honkys" ??? cause that is the last sound they hear before getting run over!!!!! LMFAO.... why dont blacks die from west nile virus??? cause mosquitoes dont land on shit.. only flies do!!! (that one WAS harsh i must admit) LOL |
K-Lab
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 9 Sept 2007, 02:23 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?
Cause anybody that can run, jump, or swim is already over here. |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 10 Sept 2007, 16:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
It is black and nice....
Brownies covered with dark chocolate |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Sept 2007, 19:56 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Maybe Site Admin can set up a sub-forum for racial/sick/vulgar/way-out nasty shit that has a WARNING! OFFENSIVE MATERIAL 18+ waiver on it?
Longbob.
Pussy |
Jegar
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 11 Sept 2007, 19:57 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?
Cause anybody that can run, jump, or swim is already over here.
I think i've seen this joke reposted for the 4th time now in the same thread |
Oni-Neko
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 12 Sept 2007, 21:49 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you call a guy with leprosy when he's in the pool?
A bath fizzer.
Sure, but do you know what his -name- is?
Stu. |
footballbat
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Sept 2007, 00:32 · [Salvaged from Archive]
The Houston Police Department announced this morning that it will be
replacing all German Shepherd police dogs with coon dogs, due to the fact
that the city is not having any problems with Germans. |
Borromulan
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Sept 2007, 01:04 · [Salvaged from Archive]
HAHAHAHA |
crazee horse
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 16 Sept 2007, 13:16 · [Salvaged from Archive]
a nigger in alabama has been found nailed to a tree, with his throat slit, and six bullets in his head, the local sherriff said its the worse suicide he"s ever seen. |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Sept 2007, 14:41 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you call a nigger with brains?
President |
ceehound619
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 21 Sept 2007, 16:19 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do you call a nigger with brains?
President
Why not run over a black kid riding a bike???........................................... .............cause it could be YOUR bike. |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 28 Sept 2007, 15:47 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Why did the kidnappers take Madeleine McCann but leave the other two children?
They weren't flirting. |
Spleen
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 29 Sept 2007, 10:17 · [Salvaged from Archive]
What's black and leaves 5 pints on your doorstep?
Damilola Taylor. |
ceehound619
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 2 Oct 2007, 21:19 · [Salvaged from Archive]
How do we know christ was not born in mexico???....they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Why are they using mexicans instead of rats in laboratories now???.....
because they breed faster and you dont get so attached to them.
Why dont they teach driver education and sex education in IRAQ on the same day???....they dont want to wear out the camel. |
ICE420
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 3 Oct 2007, 03:54 · [Salvaged from Archive]
Hitler was a gas man , give him his due. |
Haseknumber39
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Oct 2007, 18:57 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A BLACK MAN WALKS INTO A CAFE EARLY ONE MORNING AND NOTICES HE'S THE ONLY ONE THERE AS HE SAT DOWN HE NOTICED A WHITE MAN SAT BEHIND HIM, THE WHITE MAN SAID "COLOURED PEOPLE ARN'T ALLOWED IN HERE" . THE BLACK MAN REPLIED... "WHEN I WAS BORN I WAS BLACK WHEN I GREW UP I WAS BLACK WHEN I'M SICK I'M BLACK WHEN I GO IN THE SUN I'M BLACK WHEN I'M COLD I'M BLACK AND WHEN I DIE I'M BLACK. BUT YOU SIR... WHEN YOU WERE BORN YOU WERE PINK WHEN YOUR'E SICK YOUR'E GREEN WHEN YOU STAY IN THE SUN YOUR'E RED WHEN YOUR'E COLD YOU TURN BLUE AND WHEN YOU DIE YOU TURN "PURPLE." "AND YET YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL ME COLOURED" THE BLACK MAN TURNED BACK AROUND AND THE WHITE MAN WALKED AWAY. |
loadrunner
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Oct 2007, 21:42 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A mexicain, walks in to a office, he askes for the chef.
4 minutes later the chef meets the mexicain.
Mexicain: "Do you have a job for me?"
Chef " Yes ofcourse, you can start tomorrow, You wil have your own office, new car, cellphone, you will earn $420,000 a year, and only have to work 4 days a week, 9 our a day"
Mexicain: "You must be joking"
Chef: "You started. " |
