| Author | Message |
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cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Oct 2006, 11:23 · [Salvaged from Archive]
1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry.
2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.
3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.
4. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty two children. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.
5. Excuse yourself from the front door and DO NOT come back.
6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls - your bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.
7. Pick an often repeated word in their vocabulary (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.
8. Same as above, except say "beep" instead of giggling.
9. Guys - part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...) throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7. If they're still there when you are done, ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.
10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
11) When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
12) Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
13) Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.
15) Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country"
16) Put a chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...
17) Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.
18) Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.
19) Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur fossils
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King James Version of the Bible: $20
Book of Mormon: $0, by request
Copy of the Koran: $30
Rosary: $10
Artificial Lamb's Blood for Pentagram: $5 a gallon
The horribly confused and terrified look on the face of the next Jehovah's Witness who you open the door for: Priceless |
Rocker Kid
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Oct 2006, 23:24 · [Salvaged from Archive]
lol I just usually tell them to take some sort of funky wild goose chase to a fictional street and tell them that the people at 7007 are waiting for them. That one's a classic passed down from generation to generation :lol:
Now I just say: "I'm Catholic so you know I'm not gonna come." :lol:
My mom baught a pretty big statue of The Virgin a long long time ago (maybe I was 7 or 8 I'm 16 now and we've had it in front of 4 houses now) and it scares them off. Keeps the neighbors away too.
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h142/Rocker_Kid/000_389… |
cymru am byth
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 6 Oct 2006, 23:34 · [Salvaged from Archive]
lol i usually find saying "fuck off, i evolved from a monkey" or "if adam and eve had two sons who did they fuck to produce more children? were they motherfuckers?" work but some of these might work a bit better |
Rocker Kid
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 7 Oct 2006, 22:13 · [Salvaged from Archive]
"fuck off, i evolved from a monkey"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: That's pretty good.
Somtimes I feel bad about it and give them a bottle of water or a cookie before sending them off because they know only about %3 of the people they ask will come to their church or whatever they want. Or I just nod alot and take the Bible or whatever they give me, or give a $5 donation.....
But other than that it's fun to torture them a little. I haven't had any of them come around for a while but I've seen alot of "Holy Rollers" around town... |
