Too stupid to be made-up!

FileCabi.net Forum Index > Jokes, Humor and Pranks

Salvaged from Archive: These posts were salvaged from the web archive of the original FileCabi forum (2007–2008). Usernames are as they were then and aren’t linked to today’s accounts.

Author	Message
cymru am byth Salvaged from Archive	Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 10:21 · [Salvaged from Archive] 45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil. Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind. The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school. Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself. Actually from the LA Times: "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. *** The Zoo *** Some years ago, the famous San Diego Zoo opened a second, larger branch called the San Diego Wild Animal Park. The Park is built around an enormous open-field enclosure where the animals roam free. To see the animals, visitors ride on a monorail called the Wgasa Bush Line which circles the enclosure. Here's the true story of how the Wgasa Bush Line got its name. They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history. What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A Shit Anyhow?"
Ace1875 Salvaged from Archive	Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 10:33 · [Salvaged from Archive] LMFAO...ROFLMFAO Some of these are excellent ... but the two homos OMFG
tim2x Salvaged from Archive	Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 14:46 · [Salvaged from Archive] Don't forget the one about the guy in Texas that robbed a convenience store, then wanted beer. The clerk had been very co-operative and non resistant. Said she didn't beleive he was over 21, so couldn't give him beer, so he showed her his ID to prove his age.
snufftelect Salvaged from Archive	Posted: 11 Oct 2006, 15:27 · [Salvaged from Archive] LMFAO...ROFLMFAO Some of these are excellent ... but the two homos OMFG :shock: Tell me, I had to run a search for my piece of mind: http://www.snopes.com/risque/homosex/gerbil.asp
Hypothetical Salvaged from Archive	Posted: 20 Oct 2006, 08:06 · [Salvaged from Archive] Indianapolis, In. ( Late 1990s) A man walked into a Villiage Pantry, pulled a 20 dollar bill out of his wallet, set it on the counter, and requested change. When the clerk opened the till to see if he had enough change, the man pulled out a gun, and demanded all of the money in the register. The flustered clerk took all of the bills out of the register, and handed them to the man, who then left at a run. The man, a known felon, left the 20 dollar bill, with his fingerprints on it, on the counter. The total ammount of money he managed to get from the register was 17 dollars. He was arrested without incident at his home, two days later. The arresting officer was quoted as saying " We should charge him for operating a body without a brain."