FileCabi.net Forum Index > Jokes, Humor and Pranks not for the faint of heart
Salvaged from Archive: These posts were salvaged from the web archive of the original FileCabi forum (2007–2008). Usernames are as they were then and aren’t linked to today’s accounts.
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tim2x
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Dec 2006, 02:40 · [Salvaged from Archive]
A man decides to open up shop as a boil sucker, to help the many people that are plagued by boils.
His first customer is a drunk, slightly unwashed sailor, and is pretty hairy. He has a boil in his armpit.
When he takes of his shirt, you can see a few lice moving around in the hair on his arm pit, and a boil about the size of a dime, with a big, massive, round whitehead on it.
The hair in the arm pit is fairly sweaty, and some mold can be seen on the hair and skin.
The boil sucker takes his lance, pierces the whitehead, and then proceeds to put his lips on it, sucking the puss, water, a bit of blood, and pasty core out of the mans armpit, occasionally waving the lice away.
This was a fairly small boil, and the job was over in about 15 minutes, so our hero only charged the sailor 50 bucks.
The second customer for our hero was an older, very dirty, undernourished woman. Her hair was greasy, she had halitosis, didn't have very many of her teeth left, and what she did were covered in plaque, tartar, and were a kind of greenish colour. Her boil, the size of a quarter, was by her belly button.
When she removed her shirt, the dirt was crusted in the lines and wrinkles of her skin, and there are some hairy warts around her torso.
Our hero lances the boil, plants his lips, and proceeds to suck, reaching up to take the slack, sweaty, filthy skin of the belly in his hands, squeezing and kneading the skin, pushing, to get the thick, rancid, oily puss to come out of the boil, sucking really hard to get the hard, chunky core out.
After about 1/2 hour, he is done, and charges the woman 100 bucks.
His next customer was a very big, dirty, ugly man, that made the last customer look like an advertisement for soap and hygiene.
His boil was on the crack of his ass, just below and to the side of his asshole.
When he dropped his pants, the stink off his body was almost visible, wafting up in waves.
There were chunks of shit stuck in the hair of his unwashed, filthy ass.
He bent over the examination table, and our hero lanced the massive, 2 inch boil, that was filth and shit encrusted, and had a huge whitehead.
He started sucking on the boil, the puss just oozing out like thick, sour, rotten cottage cheese and eggs, chunky and oily, all runny.
After a moment, the customer lets loose this massive fart, smelly and just plain stenchy, slightly juicy, with a dribble of liquid shit coming out.
Our hero jumps back, and says, disgustedly,
"Hey man, what are you doing, trying to make me puke?!?!?!?" | tim2x
Salvaged from Archive | Posted: 15 Dec 2006, 02:44 · [Salvaged from Archive]
I learned this about 20 years ago. It takes me about 15 minutes to tell it, cause you can get very descriptive, and if you have a good imagination, and can visualize it, making the listeners SEE what you are describing, you spend half the time trying not to puke yourself. |
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