The Forum › Jokes, Humor and Pranks FileCabi.net Forum (2007–2008)

Cows

1. DandruffBGoneSalvaged from archive18 Jan 2007, 23:49
   Somebody just sent me this. ************************ Economic Models explained with cows SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. THE ANDERSON MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cowcartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belongs to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.... WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. CANADIAN CORPORATION: You have 500 cows because you have way too much land with nothing on it. Unfortunately they freeze to death. In August. Even more unfortunately before freezing to death they stampeded into your neighbours fields, 20miles (Sorry, not miles, KILOMETERS!) away, and they destroyed their entire field of wheat, because they were out playing hockey (Still in August) at the time of their unfortunate escape and like you they were also farmers. Fortunately there are 2 more provinces of wheat, so we're alright. Btw, they, like the english cows, had BSE. All of them.
2. ColziSalvaged from archive18 Jan 2007, 23:51
   heh heh heh WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. :lol: :lol:
3. nixrevolSalvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 00:31
   heh heh heh WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. :lol: :lol: LMFAO! I was gonna quote the same one! Fantastic, good post.
4. loadrunnerSalvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 00:33
   JEWISH CORPORATION -two cows give Free milk every day.
5. CrossbonesSalvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 00:43
   HAHAH!! Nice. Thats fuckin hillarious!
6. AllisterFiendSalvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 00:57
   A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. haha :lol:
7. That DudeSalvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 01:36
   Somebody just sent me this. ************************ BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. These I found funniest. Lulz
8. tgd_02Salvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 01:50
   i didnt get the anderson one.. But ROFL that was the best!
9. zildjianx3Salvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 02:18
   Yeah like-wise tgd_02. But a damn good post that one. 8)
10. DandruffBGoneSalvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 02:29
    Anderson one = "A jury in the United States has found accountancy firm Arthur Andersen guilty of obstructing justice by shredding documents relating to the failed energy giant Enron". http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/2047122.stm My favourite is: SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. :D
11. zildjianx3Salvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 02:31
    Thanks for clearing that up DandruffBGone.Makes sense now. 8)
12. snufftelectSalvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 09:02
    Aye - much enjoyed! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to be the big bad mod and move this to the right section, though. This is "Humour". Therefore it goes in the "Humour and Jokes" section. Can we please try and get this right? They aint just there for cosmetic purposes, ya know? Cheers.
13. DandruffBGoneSalvaged from archive19 Jan 2007, 15:31
    Aye - much enjoyed! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to be the big bad mod and move this to the right section, though. This is "Humour". Therefore it goes in the "Humour and Jokes" section. Can we please try and get this right? They aint just there for cosmetic purposes, ya know? Cheers. Just giving you something to do SnuffStuff........so you feel needed and all! :D :D :D You can thank me later.
14. tgd_02Salvaged from archive9 Jan 2008, 02:57
    this thread.. delivered

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